Get your number 2 pencils ready, I’m putting your parenting knowledge to the test. Oh jeez, I already sound like a dinosaur.
Tests these days would be done on computers, not Scantron. OK, well … Pretend this is happening on a Chromebook and I’ll be uploading your results to Canvas.
Have I already lost you? Good. Prepare yourself to be even more confused.
Today’s pop quiz is on key vocabulary words that new parents know. But don’t worry, at least it’s multiple choice.
Choose the best definition for the following:
1. Baby Breeza
A. Essential oil diffuser for the nursery
B. Formula dispenser
C. Air filter
D. Easy-to-use cloth diapers
A. Robotic bassinet
B. Hat that monitors an infant’s temperature
C. Toddler food in a squeezable pouch
D. App that assembles photos into an instant baby book
3. Oogie Bear
A. Vibrating stuffed animal
B. A washable mitt for bathtime
C. Teddybear-shaped ice pack for injuries
D. Nose and ear gadget
A. Portable safety gate
B. Plastic food container for toddlers
C. Sound machine and nightlight
D. Doorway jumper
A. Crib made of sustainably harvested wood
C. Baby monitor
D. Wearable breast pump
A. Cradle-cap cream
B. Wallaby-shaped bathtub
C. Pacifier with attached stuffed animal
D. Toddler scooter
A. Fart whistle that inserts into the bum
B. Sun-blocking shade for the car
C. Musical mobile
D. Seat protector for grocery cart
A. Teething washcloth
B. Vibrating chair
C. One-piece pacifier
D. Aloe nursing pad
A. Wearable blanket
B. Video game series
D. All of the above
A. Educational app for toddlers
B. Monitoring sock and camera
C. Extra soft car seat
D. College savings account
Answer Key: 1:B, 2:A, 3:D, 4:C, 5:D, 6:C, 7:A, 8:C, 9:D, 10:B
8-10: When is the last time you slept or showered? It sounds like you might be a brand new parent.
5-7: Are you a grandparent? You’re familiar with a lot of these items but refuse to use a Windi.
1-4: You suspect I made some of these words up, right? If anything, I went easy on you. I basically nestled you up in a Bobby, filled an EZPZ with liquid from a Haakaa, and popped it in your mouth. You’re welcome.
Jennifer Bardsley publishes books under her own name and the pseudonym Louise Cypress. Find her online on Instagram @jenniferbardsleyauthor, on Twitter @jennbardsley or on Facebook as Jennifer Bardsley Author. Email her at firstname.lastname@example.org.