On the D-list

Published 9:00 pm Friday, May 11, 2007

That’s $1.39 million a loss, if you’re keeping track. The Seattle Mariners placed struggling starting pitcher Jeff Weaver on the 15-day disabled list following his sixth loss in a row.

The Mariners listed the injury as shoulder tendinitis, but The Buzz’s expert diagnosis is likely closer to the mark: He’s just lame.

Beats poetry. The latest thing at metropolitan coffee shops and bars are “cringe” readings. Rather than bad poems or grating karaoke, the quickest road to embarrassment has people reading from the diaries of their teenage years (http://www.heraldnet.com/stories/07/05/12/100wir_a2angst001.cfm).

Luckily, The Buzz’s mom threw out his diaries along with his baseball card collection. Suffice it to say, we won’t be recounting for bar patrons the phone call that Little Buzz took inviting him to a freshman dance. L.B. was feeling pretty studly until the girl figured out she had dialed the wrong number.

Why lawyers shouldn’t write slogans. The makers of Splenda and Equal have settled their lawsuit over Splenda’s advertising slogan: “Made from sugar, so it tastes like sugar” (http://www.heraldnet.com/stories/07/05/12/100bus_sugar001.cfm).

In keeping with truth in advertising laws, the new slogan will read: “Chemically altered from sugar, so it tastes something like sugar but still leaves an odd taste in your mouth.”

— Jon Bauer, Herald staff