The voices of experience

Published 1:44 pm Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Kim Moritz believes in love at first sight. And in fortune cookies.

Kim’s sister played a part in securing these beliefs. “My sister called from work to see if I could pick her up,” Kim explained. “I didn’t know it was a setup.”

The setup involved Kim meeting her sister’s coworker, who had shown an interest in meeting Kim. “When I arrived, my sister begged off to go do something,” Kim said.

During her sister’s disappearing act, a handsome young man came onto the scene. “He came out and talked to me. He was winding up a hose while we talked. We left it at that.”

Later on, Kim revealed to her college roommate that she had just met the man she was going to marry.

That young man later called for a date.

Their first date was a typical one. Dinner at a nice Chinese restaurant. The fortune cookie Kim received wasn’t so typical. Its fortune read: You will marry the person you are with.

Kim saved the fortune in an envelope until her wedding. Then she gave it to Matt, the young man she had fallen in love with at first sight and who was now standing at her side.

Fifteen years later, Matt and Kim have learned a lot about each other, and a lot about marriage. They’ve learned when to support each other, when to encourage each other, and when to give each other space.

“We try not to even think about not being together,” Matt said. “We keep the attitude that breaking up is not an option.”

“We work very hard through our struggles,” Kim added. “We don’t like the option of bringing up a family without each other.”

Both admit that for a lot of people breaking up would be the easy way out. But it’s not the answer for them.

“Overall, we have way more happy times,” Matt said. “That’s the key — otherwise it wouldn’t be worth it.”

Their happy times revolve around their two daughters Breaz and Cayla, a beautiful home in Snohomish, and a very busy schedule. Both have full-time jobs, with Matt working 24-hour shifts as a firefighter.

“It’s difficult with me working 24-hour shifts,” Matt said. “I’m home a lot, but when I’m gone, I’m really gone.”

“He’s good about doing household chores,” Kim said. “Since I work Monday through Friday, I’ve been lucky in that way. So, on days when he’s working and I’m running the girls to soccer and other activities, I don’t have to worry about cleaning house.”

The couple also tries to keep balance in their marriage through humor.

“I think being able to find humor and tease about things is important,” Matt said. A source of constant humor at the Moritz household is Kim’s inability to stay awake through a movie. “Even when she picks out a movie that she really wants to see, she falls asleep three quarters of the way through,” Matt laughed.

“We get to the end of the movie, but he won’t tell me how it ended,” Kim said. “One time Matt bet me that I wouldn’t stay awake through a movie,” she said. “I drank some caffeine, got up and did jumping jacks — all so I could win.”

The fun attitude of this couple keeps their marriage fresh. As does their yearly anniversary tradition.

“Something we do special in our marriage is, on our anniversary each year, we take turns surprising each other with a getaway,” Kim said. “We’re not always able to take the trip on our exact anniversary due to work, so we postpone it some.”

Joel and Cristina Allen of Snohomish also keep their 10-year marriage fresh through fun activities, and they encourage other couples to take part in date nights.

“It’s important to keep your interests after you are married,” Joel said. “If you play sports or hike or whatever, keep trying to do the things you really love and try to include your spouse.”

Cristina agrees, noting that Joel is the adventurous type. “He gets me trying new things that I normally wouldn’t try,” she said.

“It helps having someone who can get you out of your comfort zone. We’ve tried a few other fun things that I probably wouldn’t have tried without him,” she said.

With two young children, Elena and Annalea, the couple strives for balance in their home.

“It’s nice because Joel, when he notices I’m getting stressed, actually offers and encourages me to go out with friends and get away,” Cristina said. “He recognizes when I need a break.”

Joel also goes out with buddies after work. “We both have alone time with our own friends, time with mutual friends, and time with each other,” she said.

“If you don’t have any outside interests or friends, you won’t have things to talk about,” Joel added.

Similar advice is shared by Randy and Ann Schwab of Everett. At the beginning of their 19-year marriage, they kept up with activities and hobbies. After son Daniel and daughter Natalie were born, their focus shifted a bit.

The new family time crunch left them with little time alone with each other. When their children were young, Ann participated in a mother’s group. “The ‘me time’ was wonderful but we didn’t get the ‘we time,’” she said.

Randy added, “If friends invited us out, we didn’t have a babysitter or the funds. Other parents were helpful, but there was a catch 22. We wanted to go out with our friends, but our friends were helping to watch our kids.”

Their solution: “We started having monthly dinners with both the parents and kids,” Ann said. “It’s good to have relationships with people who are in the same time and place of life as you are.”

Overall, whether a married couple is focusing on the home, children, personal time or couple time, all three couples agree that a relationship needs to be 50-50.

“Some days it may be 70-30, some days 80-20, but that’s how we get through,” Ann Schwab said.