Family, friends gather to remember Ashley Aven

Published 12:19 pm Thursday, August 26, 2010

EDMONDS — There were tears of sadness, but also the smiles of good memories as family members and friends gathered at Westgate Chapel on Wednesday to remember Ashley Aven, the former Meadowdale High School softball player who died of acute myeloid leukemia on Aug. 15.

Ashley, who turned 18 on April 6, had lived with the disease since the spring of last year. Despite missing her senior year at Meadowdale, including her final season of softball, she had a determination to get the most out of her remaining life, however long it happened to be, according to speakers at Wednesday’s memorial service.

In January doctors at Seattle Children’s Hospital told the Aven family that Ashley had two months to live. But in early June she attended her senior prom, where classmates voted her the queen and was crowned to a standing ovation.

Two weeks later she walked with her graduating class during the school’s commencement program.

“Ashley had this amazing, indomitable spirit that kept rolling inside of her,” said Phil Assink, pastor of Westgate Chapel. “She will be remembered for her sense of humor, her inspirational life and the love she shared with those around her so selflessly.

“And she will certainly be deeply missed,” he said.

Earlier, Assink had welcomed the guests, and then mentioned that Ashley never wanted people to cry on her behalf.

“But I just want you to know,” he said, “that Ashley isn’t going to get her wish today. It’s all right to cry. … It expresses the depth of our love and connection with Ashley. Tomorrow we’ll be strong, but today it’s OK.”

Ashley had a caring nature, Assink went on, and last Christmas she decorated her IV pole at Children’s Hospital to look like a candy cane. She then delivered candy to children in other rooms on her floor.

Assink asked for a show of hands from the people who knew Ashley through softball, and dozens of arms around the church were raised. Almost the entire Meadowdale team and coaching staff were there, of course, but so were many players from other high schools in and around Snohomish County, including most of the team from Mukilteo’s Kamiak High School.

Also among the mourners was former Seattle Mariners outfielder Jay Buhner, who befriended Ashley when she went to throw out the first pitch before a game this season at Safeco Field.

Meadowdale principal Dale Cote told how Ashley took the lessons from sports and applied them to her struggle against leukemia.

“Things like learning how to set goals, hard work, overcoming adversity, turning setbacks into comebacks, and never giving up,” Cote said. “Ashley exemplified all these things. She set goals, she worked very hard, and she overcame adversity each and every day.

“And most importantly,” he said, “Ashley never gave up.”

Even during the last difficult and often painful weeks, “she showed tremendous strength and resilience,” he said. “She lived as long as she possibly could. And she touched many people’s lives in these past six months that she wouldn’t have if she’d given up.”

Last year, Cote and his wife visited the Aven home, “and (Ashley) gave my wife a warm hug,” he said. “And on the way home my wife cried and said it was the best hug. She said, ‘It was as if she was comforting me.’ “

Added Cote, “Life is not always kind, and it’s not always fair. If it was, Ashley would still be with us. … But she’s made a difference in our world in 18 short years.”

The service included a video tribute with pictures of Ashley from throughout her life. Most poignant were the recent pictures during her illness, including those from her prom and graduation.

Her letter jacket and softball uniform were also displayed, as were several photographs and much of her sports memorabilia.

Ashley is survived by her parents Bill and Tamara Aven, her older sister Leticia and her younger brother, Eric.

In the midst of the family’s grief, Bill Aven told the crowd, there is comfort in knowing that Ashley “is not hurting anymore. We’re done giving her pain medicine and we’re done fighting infections.

“We put a lot of medicine in her in the last few days, thinking we could beat it,” he said. “But we finally had to tell her, ‘You’ve got to quit fighting, kid.’ And now the pain is gone.”

Still, he said, Ashley’s spirit remains in all of them and in everyone who knew her.

“For everybody that was touched by her, she might not be laying on the (bedroom) pillow anymore,” Bill Aven said. “But she’s right here. She’s right here with us.”