The Buzz: Have we thanked Trump even once for all he’s done?
Published 1:30 am Friday, January 16, 2026
By Jon Bauer / Herald Opinion Editor
Not content with clearing out the library at Annapolis of “woke” books and calling out the “beardos” and “fat generals” of the military’s brass, Pete Hegseth, the Secretary of Risk: The Game of Strategic Conquest™, has ordered a revamp of Stars and Stripes, the U.S. military newspaper founded in 1861 with a mandate from Congress that the newspaper have editorial independence from the government.
An example: Applicants for positions at the paper are being asked about their support for President Trump’s policy priorities.
We’re going to assume they’re not looking for a satire columnist.
In other disappointments in the week’s news:
Miss Buxley, take a letter: The Department of War, continuing its campaign against low levels of testosterone, announced that it plans to overhaul the independent military newspaper to return its coverage to “warfighting.” The Pentagon’s chief spokesman said the reforms would “refocus its content away from woke distractions that siphon morale.”
Judging by Beetle Bailey’s usual “warfighting” posture — leaning against a barracks wall, cap over his eyes — we’ll assume he’s “unwoke” enough for his comic to remain a regular Stars and Stripes feature.
Just added to Scrabble: The Warrior Edition™: The Pentagon, in one of its initial strikes against alleged smugglers’ boats ferrying drugs from Venezuela, reportedly used a military plane that was painted to look like a civilian aircraft. If correct, the act of using an unmarked aircraft and feigning civilian status to fool a target into dropping its guard may constitute a war crime called perfidy, according to a retired Air Force deputy judge advocate general.
See. Not only is Hegseth returning the military to its warfighting stance, he’s also building its vocabulary.
$150,000? We’ve yelled far worse at the TV. Where’s our Go Fund Me? An online fundraiser has brought in $150,000 for a Ford employee who was suspended after he heckled President Trump, calling out “pedophile protector,” during a tour of a Ford truck plant in Michigan. After the insult, President Trump was caught on video mouthing the expletive “f*** you” at the employee and throwing up a middle finger with his right hand.
Wait a minute; check the video. Was that Trump’s middle finger or his pinkie. His hands are so small that it’s hard to tell.
There’ll be more birds flying than at an aviary: Contacted after the factory floor exchange, a White House spokesman said “the President gave an appropriate and unambiguous response.”
All the same, can we not take any chances and cancel the president’s upcoming visit to the senior center?
Who sneezed? With its majority already paper-thin in the U.S. House, Republican leaders and President Trump are concerned about a number of recent health issues among GOP lawmakers and some poorly timed absences for campaigning that have caused missed votes and threatened the president’s and Republicans’ agenda in the House. “It’s dicey some days,” House Speaker Mike Johnson told reporters. “I told everybody … ‘no risk-taking, take vitamins and stay healthy and be here.’”
To show how serious this is, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr., showed up on the House floor last week, rolling up Republicans’ sleeves and giving them shots for flu, covid, RSV, HPV, shingles, hepatitis (A and B), tetanus, Mpox and kennel cough.
Padding his resume? President Trump in a Truth Social post shared a doctored screenshot that showed a Wikipedia listing for the president, which under his photo included the text “acting president of Venezuela, incumbent 2026” above entries for the 45th and 47th president of the United States.
Trump was going to give the job to Secretary of State Marco Rubio, but he’s already up to four White House posts and has had to set up a cot in his office.
Maria, how do you feel about serving as the Venezuelan ambassador to Greenland? President Trump met Thursday with Venezuelan opposition leader and Nobel Prize winner Maria Corina Machado on Thursday, during which she presented Trump her Nobel Peace Price, which she had earlier dedicated to him. Despite her party’s win in Venezuela’s last election, the White House said that Trump stands by his assertion that Machado doesn’t have the necessary support to lead the South American country.
However, in appreciation for the Nobel she brought him, Trump presented Machado with a doctored screenshot of a Wikipedia entry with “runner-up president of Venezuela” under her photo.
Hey, who wrote ‘Acting President of Venezuela’ under the portrait; in black Sharpie? The Smithsonian’s National Portrait Gallery has installed a new portrait of President Trump — scowling as he stands, his fists clenched on top of the Oval Office’s Resolute Desk — but it has removed text that previously mentioned Trump’s two impeachments from his first term as well as other details of his presidency.
Smithsonian officials said other text that does discuss the impeachments remains on display. Check next to the door of the basement men’s room, at the drinking fountain. No, under the drinking fountain; yes, there. You found it.
That explains the Tim Horton’s in Nuuk: As he continues his campaign to put Greenland under U.S. control “one way or the other,” President Trump argued that Denmark, which controls Greenland as a semi-autonomous territory, doesn’t have a valid claim to the Arctic island. “The fact that they had a boat there 500 years ago doesn’t mean that they own the land. I’m sure we had a lot of boats go there also,” the president reasoned. An Associated Press fact check reports that the first humans arrived in Greenland about 2,500 B.C., traveling from what is now Canada. Norse explorer Erik the Red then arrived in 985 A.D. with a fleet of Viking boats.
Sorry, Mr. President, but unless your Scottish forebear Donald the Orange arrived by amphibious golf cart before then, we’re afraid you have no legitimate claim. By the way, a group of Native Americans is here to present you with their Golden Historical Irony Prize.
Email Jon Bauer at jon.bauer@heraldnet.com.
