Hollywood learns it’s not easy being green

Published 11:00 pm Sunday, September 30, 2007

Hollywood likes to act like it’s environmentally sound. But Hollywood is good at acting. If the movie industry really wants to come off as green, here are a few suggestions it should follow:

• All chase scenes must be in hybrid Priuses or on bikes or Segways.

• “No tree was harmed during the making of this movie” must be added to the disclaimers.

• Limit stars to two extravagant weddings per lifetime. Subsequent weddings must be held at the courthouse.

• Any scene of actors drinking coffee must feature organic, fair-trade, shade-grown beans.

• Replace the red carpet with native groundcover.

• Limit Paris Hilton to three room-sized closets and restrict her wardrobe to 75 percent organic cotton.

• Replace stars’ trailers with hemp yurts.

• Replace acres of backyard swimming pools with natural wetlands.

• Illuminate movies with organic beeswax candles instead of klieg lights.

• Replace Oscar gowns with recycled plastic smocks.

• Ditch those gas-guzzling limos for rickshaws.

• Make the stars drink tap water rather than ionized, vitamin-enhanced energy water.

• Present Oscar winners with saplings rather than gold-plated statuettes.