County’s top dads are honored for life’s work
Published 10:07 pm Friday, March 14, 2008
The stone sits on Tom Barkholz’s dresser, a daily reminder of a gentle lesson from his son, Stephen, when the boy was 7 years old.
Barkholz and his wife, Karen, had recently moved to Darrington. Like many families they had worries about money.
As they went down through a list of needs, many items ended with this coda: “No, we can’t afford that.”
Stephen walked up to his dad, holding a treasured rock. “This will take care of everything,” he said.
“I took it and looked at it and said, ‘Yeah, it is worth a million,’ ” his dad said. “What he gave, he gave from his heart. He truly believed it would help.”
Barkholz, 50, is one of three dads who have been selected as finalists for the Father of the Year award. The other finalists are Don Layton, 61, of Everett and J.J. Frank, 37, of Stanwood. The winner will be announced tonight at a dinner at the Edmonds Conference Center.
The annual event is sponsored by Deaconess Children’s Services, an Everett nonprofit, to highlight the contributions of fathers to their own children and to the community.
Barkholz was nominated by his son, who is now 17. Steven was adopted when he was a week old. At age 8, he was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, which can cause social deficits.
Although a student who makes As and Bs in school, “he doesn’t pick up on social cues,” his mother said. Sometimes he speaks with an inappropriately loud voice. He often doesn’t make eye contact with people.
In his letter of nomination, Stephen Barkholz said he knew that at times his behavior was frustrating for both his parents.
“But my dad never said anything negative to me concerning what I could become in the future,” he wrote. “He always told me, ‘Stephen, if you are willing to put in the hard work and effort, you can do anything you put your mind to.”
Tom Barkholz works as a marine carpenter for Meridian Yachts in Smokey Point.
Don Layton was nominated by his wife, Sharon Layton, for his lifelong work with teens.
The couple first began taking in children in 1968, not long after they were married. Many of the children were living on the streets, and her husband would either find a place for them to live or the couple would take them as foster children.
At one point while he was going to graduate school, they had eight foster children living with them, all of whom had emotional or behavioral problems, he said.
After Don earned his master’s degree in social work, the couple moved to Lynnwood and he worked for the state’s Child Protective Services for 11 years.
Layton used his skills to develop a private business of child advocacy services, in part to help resolve custody and other children’s issues in difficult divorces.
J.J. Frank was nominated by Snohomish County prosecutor Janice Ellis for his work as founder and director of the YMCA’s Minority Achiever Program.
Since the program was launched in September 2001, it has helped more than 750 young people.
“That program was started to work with kids just like myself,” Frank said. The program’s goal is to assist minority and immigrant students graduate from high school, go to college and set career goals.
The program is now offered in Everett, Marysville, Mukilteo, Monroe and southeast Everett.
Some former Minority Achiever’s students have returned to serve as volunteer tutors and mentors.
Frank’s motivation comes in part from the mentoring he received when he was young from someone who encouraged him to work hard, stay in school and give back to the community.
“Youth throughout Snohomish County are better off because of J.J’s work,” Ellis said in her nomination letter.
Reporter Sharon Salyer: 425-339-3486 or salyer@heraldnet.com.
Fatherly advice
Here’s some advice from Father of the Year finalists on being a good parent:
Tom Barkholz:
“Being able to say that you’re sorry, to admit that you’re wrong, that you’re human and to know that your son or daughter is secure as part of the family.”
Don Layton:
“What kids really need to know is that they’re appreciated, even (when) they misbehave. To know that they’re appreciated and loved. I think people get too distracted to keep their children aware of that.
“That’s my advice: Be sure your children know you appreciate them.
“You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to be rich. You just have to pay attention.”
J.J. Frank:
“The most important thing is building relationships with kids, building healthy and strong relationships and empowering them to believe that they can be anything they want to be as long as they put their minds to it, dedicate and commit themselves to whatever they want to do in their lives.”
