Help for those grieving during the holiday season

Published 11:41 pm Friday, December 18, 2009

MILL CREEK — The holiday season isn’t a happy time for everyone and Mary Case knows this.

As a minister for Stephen Ministry at Advent Lutheran Church, she provides confidential help and counseling to people who are hurting or going through a difficult period in their lives. She is also one of the organizers of the church’s second Longest Night Service at 7 p.m. on Monday.

During the holidays, some experience grief associated with a loss, she said. That grief can be associated with a number of different stressors, including divorce, the death of another person or a pet, or the loss of a job or of less tangible things such as youth.

“People may think a service of this type is for someone experiencing profound grief but it’s really for a variety of things,” Case said.

The Longest Night Service takes place during Winter Solstice and is also referred to by churches as a Blue Christmas Service, she added.

Advent Lutheran Church started the tradition of holding the Longest Night Service in December 2008. The service was cancelled and held in January because of snow.

Everett resident Bonnie Kayla attended the service in remembrance of her mother who died in May 2006. She also plans to go to this year’s service.

“She was my Christmas,” she said. “(Christmas) just doesn’t have the same meaning at all.”

The service is comforting for Kayla, who keeps the prayer shawl, a fleece blanket she received at the service, out during the holiday season.

The shawls are made by Stephen Ministry leaders and will be given to those who attend the service again this year.

“We’ll do a prayer shawl ritual this year,” Case said. “It’s so they have something to take with them to remind them that someone loves them and they’re comforted at this time.”

The service is a nondenominational Christian service, Case added, and everyone is invited to attend.

During the service, people can sing Christmas songs and light candles in memory of their loved ones. Lights will be kept low to give people a chance to display their grief through tears, Case said.

Chaplain Donna Vande Kieft will speak during the service. Musician David Spring will play the piano and Mary Knoll will play the violin.

“I don’t think there’s a person involved in this service that hasn’t experienced a loss,” Case said.

Everett resident Sandy Wachter said she will attend the Longest Night Service for the first time. She lost her husband to suicide three years ago and plans to light candles in remembrance of him, both of her parents and a friend.

“It’s been a long road but I think the service will also continue the feeling that he’s at peace now and I’m looking forward to it and the connection to other people,” she said.

Case wants those who go to the service to leave with a sense of hope. She also encourages those who may not originally consider attending the service to bring someone who may not come alone.

“If someone calls and invites them to share this service then I can’t tell you what that gift alone would give,” she said.

Going to the service helps her all year, Kayla said.

“It helps that you know you’re not alone because you feel very alone when (loss) happens,” Kayla said. “It’s very nonjudgmental.”

Amy Daybert: 425-339-3491, adaybert@heraldnet.com.