How many children does it take to pick a backpack off the floor?
Published 1:30 am Sunday, September 30, 2018
What do kids think about their backpacks? It depends on their age.
Newborn-1 year old: That looks interesting. I wonder what it tastes like? I better put that in my mouth to investigate. Mmm, canvas and dirt. What’s this yellow pointy thing I found inside? Ouch!
2-3 years old: This is my backpack, and you can’t touch it. I looked at it a few hours ago, and now it belongs to me. If you touch it, I will make you pay. Hey, where are you going? Don’t go to the bathroom without me!
4-5 years old: That’s not a backpack, that’s the booster engine I wear when I fly to outer space. I’m an astronaut; that’s why I don’t like to take baths. Astronauts never take baths in outer space. I learned that when my preschool went to the airplane museum.
6-7 years old: Oh my gosh, my backpack is full of homework. Can you believe I have so much homework? I have way more homework than my older brother and sister. I can’t watch any TV until my homework is done. Get me a snack, Mom, and meet me at the dining room table. Let’s do this.
8-9 years old: Yeah, yeah. I’ll pick my backpack up in a minute. I’m making slime right now, and I just added the borax. Where’s the food coloring? Do we have any more glue? This is the third batch of slime I’ve made today because the first two came out too runny. Yeah, I’ll clean up this mess. I promise.
10-11 years old: Mom, we really need to talk about my backpack because I’ve had it for three years, which is the first problem, and the second problem is that it’s pink. OK, yeah, I understand that it’s in perfectly good condition, but what I’m saying is that none of the other kids in my class have a pink backpack. I’ve done some research on my iPad and picked out the new one I want. Here’s my birthday money from Grandma. Can you type in the Amazon password?
12-13 years old: Pick up my backpack? I’ll get to it. I just got back from three hours of sports; give me a break. Is there anything to eat in this house that’s not disgusting? I’m starving! Yes, I’m going to do my homework. I told you, I’ll handle it. Now, can you please type in the password for the PS4?
14-15 years old: Can’t I just leave it there? My backpack weighs, like, 23 pounds. Pick it up and see for yourself. No, there’s nothing I can take out to make it lighter. You do know my school doesn’t have lockers and I have to bring my Chromebook with me each day, right?
16-18 years old: OK, so my homework’s done, my backpack’s put away, and I’m late to practice. Can I please have the car keys? Bye, Mom. I’ll text you when I get there.
Jennifer Bardsley publishes books under her own name and the pseudonym Louise Cypress. Find her online on Instagram @the_ya_gal, on Twitter @jennbardsley or on Facebook as The YA Gal.
