The Buzz: Our apologies; no room for a Trump, Macron joke
Published 1:30 am Saturday, April 28, 2018
By Jon Bauer and Mark Carlson
Our apologies in advance; it’s been a slow news week.
“Stepped outside to smoke myself a ‘j’”: Ever the top salesman of Washington state products, Gov. Jay Inslee added Evergreen State-grown cannabis to his promotion portfolio during a recent episode of HBO’s “Real Time with Bill Maher.” Said Inslee: “I can honestly say, we’ve got the best weed in the United States of America.”
But Maher probably isn’t a tough sell. Can we suggest Gov. “J” schedule a sesh with Attorney Gen. Jeff Sessions and President Trump to convince them?
A new, scarier meaning for “Netflix and chill”: Former PBS and CBS news anchor Charlie Rose, dismissed by both networks following allegations of sexual harassment, has reportedly pitched a new talk show to Netflix where he would interview other prominent male members of the media accused of sexual misconduct.
OK, but don’t anyone go anywhere near the green room.
And Charlie’s first guest: Bill Cosby was convicted of three counts of sexual assault against one of several women who have accused the entertainer of drugging and assaulting them. The 80-year-old faces up to 30 years in prison.
The bad news for Cosby is that’s likely a life sentence. The good news: second helpings of Jell-O on Fridays.
Open wide and say, “ah, &%#@!”: White House physician Dr. Ronny Jackson withdrew from consideration as the next Veterans Affairs secretary after a number of White House staffers alleged professional misconduct, including drinking on the job.
Just as President Obama promised: If President Trump likes his doctor, he can keep his doctor.
Any color as along as it’s black: Ford announced that is drastically trimming its model lineup, ending production of car models including the Fiesta, the Fusion and the Taurus, in favor of better-selling SUVs and trucks.
Ford is welcome to try and sell us its SUVs with their fancy cupholders and “infotainment” systems, but what we really want is a station wagon with a rear-facing fold-up seat in the wayback. Some fake wood paneling on the sides wouldn’t hurt either.
Second star to the right and straight on ‘til morning: The European Space Agency has released the most accurate map ever of the Milky Way and neighboring galaxies with high-precision measurements on the distance, motion, brightness and color of nearly 1.7 billion stars.
But the map isn’t going to be of much use until someone goes in and adds some Yelp reviews.
That narrows it down: Environmental Protection Agency Administrator Scott Pruitt, who has rolled back regulations for clean air and water and doubts that climate change is caused by humans, has proposed new rules for his agency that will determine what science can be used to write agency regulations.
The science now allowed for consideration by the EPA: political.
Forgive me, Speaker: House Speaker Paul Ryan on Thursday fired House Chaplain and Everett native the Rev. Patrick Conroy. Democrats say it’s because Conroy had prayed for lawmakers before passage of the GOP’s tax package to ensure that “there are not winners and losers under new tax laws, but benefits balanced and shared by all Americans.”
Ryan might have let Conroy keep his job — if the priest recited 25 Hail Ayn Rands and 10 Our Ron Pauls.
Aaugh! In an historic meeting, the presidents of North Korea and South Korea met at the border of the two countries and signed an agreement that pledged to work toward the common goal of denuclearizing of the Korean peninsula.
As a demonstration of his goodwill, North Korea’s Kim Jong Un then called for South Korea’s Moon Jae-in to “come over and kick this football while I hold it,” then adding, “President Trump, you’re next.”
Jon Bauer: jbauer@heraldnet.com
