For good time, call tattoo
Published 4:30 pm Friday, March 23, 2012
Is March going out like a lamb? Does that mean soft and fluffy, or getting fleeced? Let’s get wooly and baaahh at the headlines:
•”Poland pulls food suspected of having road salt”: Say what you will about destructive studded-tires. At least you aren’t likely to find one in a loaf of bread.
”Original Einstein manuscripts posted online”: Take note, teachers and professors. With the online term paper business booming, student cheaters are likely to turn in some really brilliant stuff relatively soon.
”Anti-gay marriage group seeks Starbucks boycott”: The company responded by announcing the opening of 90,000 or so more stores. Some with wedding chapels. OK, not really. But it would have to be a really, really, super big, grande boycott for Starbucks to notice.
”Pat Robertson thinks a Peyton Manning injury would be karma”: The televangelist is upset with the Denver Broncos for trading quarterback Tim Tebow. Robertson said Denver treated Tebow “shabbily” after all he did for the “nothing team” last season.
Noting Manning’s recent neck injury, Robertson said: “If that injury comes back, Denver will find itself without a quarterback. And in my opinion, it would serve them right.”
Ah, there’s the televangelistic compassion one would expect. Heck, why not just call for a bounty on Manning so that “Denver” might be properly punished for not keeping Tebow. (Manning surely understands he must be injured to pay for his new team’s old sins.)
•”49-year-old Moyer pitches 4 perfect innings”: Go, Jamie, go. Slow pitch, er, finesse, your way onto that Colorado Rockies team. Just steer clear of Pat Robertson as Denver embraces you.
”Texting woman falls off pier into Lake Michigan; http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs/texting-woman-falls-off-pier-lake-michigan-153042939—abc-news.html;_ylt=Ag.CTH5aKyw1WWXrdGA7cRAbvTYC;_ylu=X3oDMTUwb3B2aDNmBGNjb2RlA2dtcHRvcDEwMDBwb29sd2lraXVwcmVzdARtaXQDQXJ0aWNsZSBOZXdzIEZvciBZb3UEcGtnAzMyMGE0MWI2LTIxYmUtMzc1My05MGMzLWE5NTZhZDYzNmU1YgRwb3MDMgRzZWMDbmV3c19mb3JfeW91BHZlcgNmMGFmYmYyMi03NTE4LTExZTEtOWZmZC1lNDI2MmQwYzg2MGY-;_ylg=X3oDMTM1MDk4dGtwBGludGwDdXMEbGFuZwNlbi11cwRwc3RhaWQDN2FlOWYyZGMtOTBlZS0zMTA1LTgwYzEtN2EzZmRjNGQ4ZWI2BHBzdGNhdANob21lfG9waW5pb24EcHQDc3RvcnlwYWdlBHRlc3QD”: (She’s OK.) As the TV character “Monk” once exclaimed, “That’s enough to make me LOL out loud.”
“Nokia patents a tattoo that vibrates when you get a call”: The illustration with the article shows the tattoo on a hand, for those wondering. So remember not to hold your coffee cup in that hand if you’re expecting a call.
Apparently the tattoo can even be set with different ring, er, vibration tones. So for example, the article says, “if your husband calls, you might only feel a dull tingling, but if it’s your teenage daughter calling you’d feel a mighty itch.”
And if it’s your best friend with some really good gossip, your hand will flop around and snap its fingers in your face until it gets your attention.
•”Seattle is No. 2 city to lose your cellphone”: So, the main question is, on which body part to have your vibrating, where-did-I-leave-my-phone-tattoo tattooed?
