Mothers know best: Advice from your mom
Published 5:29 pm Friday, May 7, 2010
Happy Mother’s Day to mothers everywhere.
Why are mothers so worthy of honor today?
Not only do they give birth to each and every one of us, but many of them also do a mighty fine job of raising us, not just while we’re living at home, but afterward, too, when we’re out in the world, trying to find our ways.
The Herald asked readers for the best advice their mothers ever gave them.
Responses flooded our mailboxes, including many quotable pearls of wisdom. We also received stories of mothers who triumphed in life and taught their children more by example, and by providing constant and unconditional love.
Here’s a sampling of responses:
When I was growing up, my mother always told me that it was OK to hate broccoli, but it wasn’t OK to hate people. I’ve been tested with that advice over the years … but I always do my best to remember those words of wisdom.
My mom had every right in the world to hate a few people in her life, but never ever said anything bad about any of them in front of me. I’ve always admired her for that and try to emulate it when I can. However, sometimes I’m not as strong as she always was!
Sue Mitchell, 54, Lynnwood
My mom’s best advice to me was to “be yourself.” The first time she said this to me was when I was 18 and going away to college. I was anxious and stressing about living in a dorm with strangers, and hearing those simple words had a strong impact on me.
I’m now 60, and those two words have anchored and guided me through many and diverse challenges, including two marriages, raising children, home schooling, volunteering in the community and working with the public. Thank you, Mom! I love you!
Barbara Liggett, 60, Clearview
More and more, I see myself growing into the person I think my mother hoped I would become.
Maybe that’s why, when I think of my mother’s voice, I hear most clearly, not the lullabies hummed to me as a toddler, nor the reprimands and encouragements of my youth, not even the old lady voice from a thousand miles away.
No, I hear that quiet voice that would come out of her after I would complain of the “horribleness” of my life, and she would say: “Patience, patience. In time, the grass becomes milk.”
Years later I can hear her voice, softly insisting to wait, better will happen, more will come to me, the only requirement is to be patient.
And she was (and is) right again.
Ellen Freund, Arlington
(My mother) often said, “Kirsten Lyn, you gotta toot your own horn, because nobody is going to toot it for you.” This sentence of sage wisdom had replayed in my mind the most over the years.
I think of her when I am feeling sorry for myself and need to pull myself up by my boot straps. I think of her when I am proud of an accomplishment I have achieved. And I think of her when my children are shining and growing.
To me it represents my mom and her inner strength and fortitude. It serves as a reminder to me that I need to depend on myself a lot of the times, and that I can achieve great things with confidence and a belief in myself.
My mother now has Alzheimer’s disease and is not really present to follow in the birth of my new daughter or my life’s happenings, but I hear her voice each step of the way nevertheless. Happy Mother’s Day.
Kirsten Lyn, 42, Everett.
I grew up with my mother telling me that I could always come to her for anything, a problem or worry. And I believed her because she meant it and acted on it.
Her unconditional love got me through adolescence, my stupid 20s, to name just a few hurdles.
It’s one of the few mantras I’ve repeated again and again to my children, especially now to my teenage daughter, just about daily! The circle is unbroken.
Oh, I almost forgot my mother’s other quaint wisdom: Keep a dime in your bra for a phone call, and if you don’t want to do something with your friends, just use your mother as the excuse!”
Vee Baxter, 55, Lynnwood
My beautiful and wise mother has given me great advice throughout my life. She taught me what her mother taught her: If a job’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right. She taught me to treat people how I want to be treated. She advised me not to be wasteful or materialistic and to live within my means. She always told me to be my own person, not a follower. She taught me to take time to thank God for my blessings — good health, home, job — and to try to help those less fortunate. She always leads by example. I haven’t always followed her advice, but I try and I’m grateful to her for everything. I love you, Mom. Happy Mother’s Day!
Kory Kanter, Everett
My mother was an intelligent woman. She had many remembrances and sayings. This is best for everyone: If one said they did not have time, she would say, “We are all given 24 hours. It is what you choose to do with them.”
Kay Kelley Patterson, Lynnwood
I grew up in a family of six children, three boys and three girls. Our mother always told us: “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all,” and, “If it’s not important, don’t say it.” Therefore, I was always thinking before I said anything, which meant I was a person of very few words. Now though, I have a lot more to say. Of course, there is not many around to hear me anymore as I am almost 73 years old and a lot of those who were around to hear me have gone on ahead of me. I still try to think before I talk to myself.
Nadine Giron, Monroe
I never had a mother, as she died during my birth. But I had a father and two older half sisters. One was 15, the other 17. They raised seven of us. My dad remarried when I was 11 years old. My stepmother’s advice to me was always just be myself and people would like me. I’ve always done that to this day. What you see is what you get. I’m 79 years old now and her advice has done well by me.
Lillie Galbraith, 79, Bothell
Mother told me to never learn to milk cows, because I had three brothers to do that, and if they knew I knew how to milk, they would think of some excuse to have me do it. I have used that advice in many applications, not just in milking cows.
Mary Sue Lile, 70, Clinton
One day when I was in college and doubting myself about what I was doing or where I was going in life, my mother gave me the most inspiring and loving piece of advice of my life.
Like she had when I was a child, she took my hands into hers and held them tightly. Her words were, “These hands are going to become something some day. They are going to be important and help people. These hands are going to take you far.”
Because of her I have found my passion in what I want to do in life. Her words of wisdom inspired me to believe that I can do whatever I put my mind to, and that I have the strength to achieve anything. I love you, Mom.
Rebecca Aronsen, 20, Arlington
As a child during the Great Depression, my mother began a lifetime of making every penny count. Shortly after I left home at the age of 19, Mom stopped by my apartment one day for a visit. It just so happened I was in the midst of doing laundry chores when she offered this bit of motherly advice: “You know, son, you can save a lot of money by cutting those dryer sheets in half.”
Glen Sandvick, 61, Everett
“Just make the best of it.” My mother was a little German baby girl, born in southern Russia on Jan. 27, 1891. She came to America alone when she was 21 years old and married my father.
Her first house was a “soddy,” a sod house. They homesteaded and five kids later moved to the Sultan area and four more children were born. My mother’s days were spent cooking three meals a day, sewing, washing, gardening, canning and taking care of everybody. Her days were long as with all farmers.
She had a lot of wise sayings, mostly in German. The one I often heard and still fits: “Just make the best of it.” Regardless of the situation, there is a glimmer of hope “in the best of it.”
Pauline Keck Langner, Freeland
I did have a wise mom. When I would get my feelings hurt as a kid, my mother would say, “Consider the source.”
I didn’t fully understand what that meant, but now I “get” it. It often helps when I don’t understand someone’s actions or words.
Sixty-plus years later, it is still good advice.
Susan Gill, Arlington
I have always admired my mom for raising five kids as a single mom. When I was 16 years old, I started smoking cigarettes. I came home one day and Mom took my purse and got my cigarettes. She said, “Look at me. This is what you look like when you have this hanging out of your mouth.”
She didn’t light it, but I thought how ugly she looked like with that hanging out of her mouth. I felt so ashamed and guilty because we looked so much alike. I never smoked again. Mom lost my older brother at 16 years old and my little sister at the age of 34. Both died of diseases and way too young. I was a single mom of two precious daughters.
I lost my youngest daughter, Brenda, when she was 14 years old by getting hit by a car.
Mom was there for me because she understood what I was going through and listened, loved and cared for me.
I cried every day for a year, and she was there for me. She told me: “Take one day at a time. Stand back, close my eyes, deep breaths and rest. Don’t look ahead, just one day at a time.” (By this example,) I have been able to help others who have lost children.
I love my mother and always will. My life turned out like hers and she helps me through it every day.
Julie Montgomery, Everett
My mother always had some kind of advice for any situation, often spoken in German and, after prodding, translated to English.
“Waste not, want not,” has stuck with me foremost. We grew up in North Dakota without a lot but more than some, not much money but loads of love. To this day, my husband tries to figure out how and why I am able to save money. I guess when you grow up without, you learn to appreciate it more.
There are so many sayings she had that when something is happening, I just think, “What would Mom say about that?”
She passed away in 1996, but she is always with me, along with her “pearls of wisdom.”
Yvette Barnes, Monroe
My mother taught me: “Pretty is as pretty does.”
My actions determine whether I am pretty. I work hard and do the best I can. I’m good to others, fair, consistent. I don’t need affirmation from others.
I know my actions have been well-intended. That makes me pretty.
My mother set a good example. She was as near an angel as a human gets. Life didn’t always treat her well. But she was grateful for what she had and the love she received.
Joanne McLaughlin, Lynnwood
My mom just turned 89 the end of March. She and my dad have been married for 69 years this September.
Every year some one asks my mom why she thinks their marriage has lasted this long, she always has the same reply: “Keep the dishes done; then you’re always ready for company.”
Some of her other words of wisdom that I apply are to pay your bills and clean your home before going on a trip (long or short) in case you don’t make it back, and the bonus is that when you do get back, it’s nice to walk into a clean home.
Nancy McDanold, Marysville
My mother passed away when she was 66 years old. We were raised in Missouri and chopped cotton and then in the fall we picked cotton. Mom made me wear a hat and long-sleeve shirts to protect me from the sun.
Well, I married and we moved to Washington.
We bought a boat and I went boating with her in a two-piece bathing suit. I got sunburns.
Recently I had to go have a melanoma removed from my right arm. I had already had a place removed under my right eye.
So I did not heed my mother’s advice.
Olive Hall, Monroe
My now-deceased mom gave me several gems over the years, but these two are the biggies: When you are going to say or ask something, and you can’t remember what it was, she would say, “That’s all right. If it’s important, it will come back to you.” So true!
The other is: When you feel you made or will make a bad impression on someone or a group, because you called someone the wrong name, or you wore jeans and everyone else was in casual clothes (or vice-versa), no need to be embarrassed.
My wise mom pointed out that most people are too busy worrying about themselves to have any mental energy left to direct at me. And the few that might judge me are persons of small character, and not worth wanting to impress anyway.
This has relieved me of a lot of anxiety over the years, and I have passed it on to my (now grown) children and to my students through my years of teaching.
Thank God for moms. Where would we be without their loving, patient guidance?
Shelly Craft, 66, Marysville
As I became a mother myself over two years ago, I look back at my childhood several thoughts come to mind: How many times I ran as I heard my full name called, the fun and laughs our family shared on summer vacations, and the “words of wisdom” mother said to us girls over and over again as to knead this knowledge into not only our brains but our hearts as well.
Mom would say, “It’s your tone of voice and the way you choose your words,” always during an argument. Mom would recommend “Even though you do not like or care for a certain person, you always need to be polite and/or nice,” if any of us girls made fun of another person or each other.
I’m not sure what age all children start the attitude of “Parents are dumb,” and children know it all, but I was like this most of mine. Mother would say, “Enjoy being a kid for as long as it lasts, one day it will all be gone.”
I never really put much thought to anything she said on a daily basis to us girls, just seemed like senseless chatter if you asked me then. The words of wisdom said by my mother have always been stuck in my head, even though I acted oblivious.
Why are we so eager to please or be accepted by other that we forget about the people who will always love us, always be there and will never give up on us, ever!
Well, I’m here not only to say how much I love my mother and to thank her a million times again and again for being the person she is and for teaching me what kind of person I want to be.
Mom, I can only ask for you to forgive me for not letting us have the relationship we could have had. Many things have happened and one thing leads to another, and before we realize it we have aged 10 years.
May God bless you mom, for you are a true angel.
Jaime Mansfield, 30, Granite Falls
My mother raised seven children and was blessed with 14 grandchildren. My two children are now self-supporting adults in there 20s.
However, the teen years could get a little rough. Her best advice that would help me focus and try to remain adult like when dealing with my teenagers, was, “Get off the merry-go-round, you’re the adult.”
I laugh now, as I witness my four younger sisters dealing with teenagers of their own and getting the same advice from mom.
Chris Risen, Mill Creek
I was raised by an Irish grandmother who had a “saying” for just about any occasion.
She would often tell me to be my own best friend so I would learn how to befriend others, to have the courage to stand up for what I believed.
Whenever I would talk about another person she would say, “Small minds talk about people, mediocre minds talk about events and great minds talk about ideas.” It made me pause before talking about someone else.
New Year’s Eve I would always hear, “Remember whatever you do on New Year’s Eve you will be doing the rest of the coming year.” It made me very cautious of my actions on New Year’s.
The best advice she ever gave me was to never pick up a hammer or screwdriver or push a lawn mower because I would be doing it the rest of my life. I really should have paid more attention to that one!
I forgot one of the most important things my Grandma Sara said was, “Kindness and manners will make you rich with friends.” It has!
Grandma would say, “Becky, if wishes were roses you’d have a bouquet” and when I would push the boundaries a bit it was, “Becky, your question is never who will let you but who can stop you.”
Becky Sharpe Janecke, “Older Than Dirt, Younger Than Springtime,” Lynnwood
My mother’s advice was, “You can be anything you want to be,” and “Have confidence in yourself.”
This may not be unusual advice in 2010, but this was what she said in the late 1940s, over 60 years ago. At that time the road for girls was planned out and the goal was to get married, have children and live happily ever after.
My mother always listened to me and was involved in my life. She knew my teachers, my friends and the activities in which I was involved.
She helped me at school by reading the assignments and testing me before quizzes. But, most of all, I knew that she was there for me always and was not judgmental.
Her guidance followed me through college and graduate school. In fact, she was the person who urged me to pursue the advanced degree because it would always be mine and provide security in the future.
My mother devoted herself to my father and me. So much so, that when I left for college, the nest was devastatingly empty for her.
She died of cancer shortly after I finished graduate school and was married. She did not live to enjoy my family or know that thanks to her I was able to blend a career and family. I thank her for her unconditional love, guidance and support.
Martha Huyler, Camano Island
As a 20-year-old bride from Great Falls, Mont., my mother came to an isolated farm near Lake Stevens a year before I was born.
My mother showed by example the advice she gave me. She always told me to go outside and play, especially in the woods on our farm. To this day, I feel more comfortable and peaceful outside.
She taught me to appreciate the beauty of nature, the soothing sound of the trickle in a stream, the relaxation of a quiet forest, where I had freedom to dream, courage to stand up and be counted for my point of view, to look at a sunset’s red fire ball hue.
She taught me to turn the other cheek and find value in every living thing. And no matter what’s happened, she’s always been there, to offer help and support and show how very much she cares.
She made up wonderful stories and I passed them onto my children.
She made a tape of her own life and advised me to remember my own history.
She told me to stand up for myself, which I do, and her advice has served me well.
She showed me how to have faith in God. She taught me to reach for the highest star, hang on tight, and said I’d go far.
She advised me to keep my faith and belief in God. I’m in a Bible study where I’ve made lifelong friends I treasure and draw closer to God and we grow closer to each other every year.
All this is because of her advice. She led by example that has stuck with me, more and more as the years pass by. My mom has passed away, but her advice continues to impact me. The older I get, the more I remember to try to lead my life the way she taught me to.
Gail Chism, Everett
I know you are looking for pearls of wisdom from mothers, but what I have is actually from my grandma, who is 91. I took her to a doctor’s appointment recently where an assistant commented on how happy she was and asked what her secret was. Grandma replied with: “Find humor in something every day. Learn something new every day. When you get an opportunity to go somewhere or do something, do it!”
Barbara Farrand, 37, Arlington
My mother, who is 71 and widowed for 25 years now, has always made me happy, and taught me to enjoy life to the fullest. She raised six kids, I am the youngest of six, and I will be 40 this year. She has made everyone of us special, and always loved us and the grandkids, too.
She taught me to love unconditionally. She taught me how to be thankful and giving to the ones around us. She goes beyond anyone I know for her volunteer work.
She is a giver that is one thing I know for sure. I love my mom. The lesson to “give” sometimes isn’t as easy at it seems, but for her it just apart of her well being, and I am so blessed to call her Mom.
Trent Olson, 39, Marysville
The No. 1 piece of advice my mother had for my sister and myself was to get an education and have a career. That way we would always be able to take care of ourselves no matter what happened in our lives. She gave that advice to her nieces and grandchildren as well.
She told me, “It doesn’t matter if you are married. What happens if your husband gets sick or dies Who will take care of you and your children then?” She wanted us to be self-sufficient. I’m happy to say my sister and I made her proud.
Vickie Bligh, 55, Marysville
“God gave you a brain. Use it!” my mother finally responded after numerous questions to her about the Bible and about my instruction in religion at Zion Lutheran School in Snohomish.
At that time I was a teenage believer, and this advice gave me permission to do my own thinking because that is what “God” wanted. He gave me a brain and expected me to use it. And I did.
Over 50 years later, and many applications of my mother’s best advice, I am at peace knowing that I don’t know if there is a God or where this Earth originated or whether or not there is an afterlife.
My mother did not know where her advice would lead me, but she knew that I needed to think for myself and find my own answers. I love her dearly for her insight and wisdom and for giving me the most useful and rewarding advice ever.
Jerry Marsh, 69, Olympia
Best advice from my mom: Celebrate life each day and remember to cook something healthy. (Every day was a picnic.)
My mom lived to be 85 and everyday of her life she proudly prepared meals and shared mealtime with her family. She prepared a turkey dinner in the summer (because that was when I would come home each year). She also read every book she could check out from the library and set a wonderful example sharing this knowledge with her four children and husband.
Jan Allen, 55, Everett
One of the pearls of wisdom my mom lived by is “Earth hath no sorrow that heaven cannot heal.” When times were tough, when loved ones died (including my dad in his 50s) or disappeared (my brother in his 20s), and when dreams were dashed, she would cling to that promise.
It rubbed off and taught me an optimistic approach to life. It’s a saying that spurs me to recognize my need and to seek God’s guidance and help. There’s a promise in it that pain and mystery are not the entire story.
We’ve taught its essence to our children, and they in turn pass it on to theirs. It is a constant source of hope, strength and comfort in a day when answers to life’s hard questions are often in short supply.
We’re glad to live in Everett where we have a great church to help us live our lives by that heavenly principle. If Mom were still here, I’d tell her thanks for the wisdom and for leading the way.
Clint Kelly, 60, Everett
As I was preparing to go out on my very first date my dear mother sat me down and sternly advised me to: “Always hold his hands so you’ll always know where his hands are!”
That was when I was 16, and four years later my very first date and I married. I’m now 67 and refuse to tell you whether or not I took mother’s advice!
Maalka Mednikoff, Smokey Point
My mother passed away at the tender age of 88, 22 years ago.
She was the shining example of whom a mother should be. We grew up in the ’40s, having been born during the Depression.
We always planted a huge garden and all of us five kids worked in it on weekends and after school. We’d come home after school to homemade breads and cinnamon rolls.
Mom never complained about anything and times were tough financially for them. She didn’t have to say anything to us. She just gave an excellent example of family unity and togetherness.
We’d have a foot of snow in Iowa, and Daddy would lead the way and Mom and us five kids would walk to church. The best advice she gave to me was: “Keep smiling, have a positive attitude and with God’s, help we’d be OK.
Mary Peterson Clark, 74, Monroe
My mother gave me two pieces of advice that have served me well for 71 years.
Practice moderation and avoid extremes.
For example, an apple a day is a good source of fiber and minerals, but 10 apples a day will probably give you a stomachache. This advice has helped me to avoid fanaticism of all types : religious, political, nutritional, environmental, etc.
Take good care of your material possessions and use and enjoy them. Don’t put something aside and save it for a special occasion, which never comes.
Judy Kessinger, Mill Creek
I often recall my mother’s advice that I would get as a preteen or teenager.
I would lament to her that “I wish I was old enough to get my driver’s license,” or “I wish I was out of school” or “I wish I had my own place” or “I wish I knew who my future wife was going be.”
She would respond with, “Don’t wish your life away. Those things will come soon enough.”
Sometimes she would add, “If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.” Now, I don’t know where that came from, but as I grew into adulthood that advice seemed to make a lot of sense.
My mother has been gone for over 20 years now, but I often remember, with a smile, that sage advice from a homespun girl who wanted her only son to live in the moment.
Too much time and energy is spent grasping at the future when so much is missed by learning from the present.
Larry Robinson, 66, Everett
My mother’s advice came in the way that she did things and how she handled life.
As I have grown older and seen the ways of life, I am constantly reminded of what a wonderful human being my mother is.
Things that I do now that seem to require such effort and thought, as I grew up those same things seemed effortless to my mother. My mother always had time for me and our family no matter what was going on. No matter what I did or said, my mother always loved me and I felt that very deeply.
There has never been a day that I have questioned my place with my mother. My mother would drop anything and everything just to by my side in support.
My mother was a perfectionist who felt if you were going to do something, it was worth it to do it well. I know that I can count on my mother. In addition to raising two children, and a third child (myself) much later in life, my mother held a full time job.
My mother never lectured about paying your bills, be nice to others, live life to the fullest, it was just her way of living life. It is in her way of being that I now reflect upon and try to do just those things. I try to love unconditionally and see the good in all, as she did.
Kristin Martinez Clark, 44, Mill Creek
While growing up in the early ’70s, if I asked my mother a question about some topic that she did not know fully we would go to the encyclopedia or dictionary to gather more information.
Her advice was, “If you didn’t know something, go and look it up.” Then, as a family we would often discuss the question at hand. Now, 40 years later, I find myself doing the same thing with my school-age children and it’s still fun to me!
If they ask me something I don’t know, we will go and research until we do. I often think of my mother during these times, and I am happy to pass on her pearl of wisdom: Help your children remain inquisitive by making learning interesting and fun.
Rebecca DeFrang, 43, Lake Stevens
We were very fortunate to have a very wise and witty Mom. We have appreciated her advice and wit so much that we have a lot of it written down that many of our friends have also requested and appreciated our mom’s wit and sayings. Our mom came from Scotland and was born Oct. 24, 1905.
“Love is the God-given principle of making one want to do that which is best for the other.”
“Better to be alone than to wish you were!”
On dieting: “You can eat anything you want. Just eat less of it!”
“There is no true happiness outside the Lord.”
“If you are truly sorry about something someone has told you, you will not gossip about it to another person.”
“Remember, you’re never sorry for what you did not say!”
“Don’t write anything on paper that you would not want to put on the church door.”
“The best helping hand is at the end of your arm.”
Hazel (Gustavson) Southard, 73, and Marie (Gustavson) Nelson, 76, Marysville
Mom would say, “That’s what soap is for,” when we watched my nephew play in the dirt. Advice I don’t know, but it has stuck with me. That was almost 30 years ago, and I tell that to myself and my kids often.
Karen Haunreiter, 48, Lynnwood
My mom came through the Depression, dust and drought of the ’30s, and later the hardships and loss from times of war in our world.
I can recall her urging me to persevere because things have a way of working out. She herself pressed on through long working days with a large family on the farm. She called our attention to carefully planted rows of seedlings in the large garden or jars of preserved food well-placed on shelves in the basement.
As I grew older I realized just how tired she may have been when she stopped to admire the outcomes of creative hard work. She has great faith, lives artfully and thoughtfully and sees the art all around her.
Her advice, spoken and modeled, has stuck with me because I’ve seen so much positive impact from her life on others.
At 87 she has new challenges, and I know she’ll press on and find the beauty in this time as well. I can’t thank her enough for the inspiration she is to me!
Henrietta Wilson, Everett
Among many other significant, valuable things my mother taught me, she told me and embodied by example, to take an interest in the lives of other people and even to consider them better than myself.
It evokes the famous quote of legendary Pacific Lutheran University football coach Frosty Westering: “Put yourself last, and you’ll always be first.”
Like I was taught by a spiritual teacher at Washington State University, if I have a gift, it’s not for my benefit, or as Mother Teresa once said, “I am not important.”
Yes, I’m valuable and “bought with a price” (by the blood of Christ), but my self-esteem is not as important as uplifting and edifying others, as well as glorifying God.
Happy Mother’s Day to my mother and to mothers every where, and I’ll conclude with this Abraham Lincoln quote: “No man is poor who has had a Godly mother.”
Steve Goodman, 39, Mountlake Terrace
