FINISH LINE: Kiffin a perfect fit with Trojans?
Published 11:47 pm Thursday, June 3, 2010
Ugly Snarky College
San Francisco Chronicle columnist Scott Ostler is no fan of new USC football coach Lane Kiffin, who will earn $4 million to guide the Trojans back to Pac-10 prominence. In fact, by hiring Kiffin the University of Southern California initials might as well stand for Ugly Snarky College, Ostler writes.
“Critics will whine that Kiffin’s salary is too high for a young (35), unproven, scandal-plagued nimrod. The Trojans, though, are confident that Kiffin will create so much havoc with his social blunders, petty rule violations and assorted lapses of decorum that he will make the world completely forget the ongoing USC scandals involving Reggie Bush and O.J. Mayo.
“Still, hiring Lance Loosecannon is a PR risk. I hear even O.J. Simpson is worried that Kiffin will tarnish the Trojans’ image.
“Kiffin’s coaching resume is sketchy — a 5-15 stay with the (Oakland) Raiders and a 7-6 season at (the University of) Tennessee. But he has the intangibles. How else to explain the man’s meteoric rise? He keeps getting promotions equivalent to the chairman of the local library board being appointed Sultan of Brunei.
“The Trojans, my sources say, fell in love with Kiffin when his Tennessee program came under investigation for sending attractive female recruiting “hostesses” to distant high school games.
“ ‘If there’s one thing we stand for here at USC,’ my imaginary source said, “it’s hospitality.”
“Tennessee paid Kiffin $2 million to shred the school’s dignity for one season. Because he doubles his salary with every new job, the only team that can afford to steal him from USC is Morgan Stanley.
“For its $4 million, USC is getting a coach who recently recruited a 13-year-old quarterback. It was an awkward dance, my fake source tells me. The Trojans sent a hostess to help with recruiting and the kid kept calling her ‘Ma’am.’
“This is going to be fun.”
Except for USC, which is expected be hit with NCAA sanctions in the coming days.
PARTING SHOT
“I didn’t want my 15 minutes of fame to be this.”
— Jim Joyce
The MLB umpire on the immense fallout over his blowing a call that cost Detroit pitcher Armando Galarraga the 21st perfect game in baseball history. Joyce admitted his mistake after viewing a replay, and has apologized to Galarraga.
