Dear Abbey

Published 8:12 pm Thursday, March 26, 2015

The gong has rung: The sixth season of the British costume drama “Downton Abbey” will be its last, show producers announced Thursday. The final season is currently in production, but The Buzz can disclose the following spoilers:

• The Bateses are blessed with a child — who is promptly arrested for the murder of Mr. Green.
• “By jove, I have secured Downton’s future by investing heavily in the American stock market,” Lord Grantham announces one day in October 1929.
• In a wacky mixup, Lord Grantham wears black tie to dinner and is mistaken by the Dowager Countess for a waiter. Wait, that already happened.

Don’t know much about history: On this day in 1513, Juan Ponce de Leon discovered Florida. “Have discovered a curious land,” Ponce de Leon wrote in his logbook. “The natives appear to be mostly elders who live in enclosed settlements with other elders. They take their evening meal quite early in the afternoon. They return to their dwellings for an evening entertainment they call ‘Downton Abbey.’ The married ones seldom speak to each other except to argue.” — Mark Carlson, Herald staff