Storm victim’s fiancee grieves a ‘love that grew every day’

Published 8:55 pm Tuesday, December 1, 2015

MONROE — He kept his promise to love her all his life.

Grant Strinden assured his fiancee, Ronicka Messner, that she could trust him when she needed someone to count on. The Monroe couple was planning a 2016 wedding and scribbling their bucket list on little scraps of paper as ideas came up.

“He promised me numerous times he was going to spend the rest of his life with me — whether I liked it or not,” said Messner, 24, with a wry smile. “I wish he’d have been right longer.”

Strinden, 23, was killed when a tree crushed his car on Ben Howard Road as wind and rain battered the region Nov. 17. He was driving to pick up their daughter, Kandyce, 7, from Chain Lake Elementary School. She’s in first grade.

Tuscano’s Italian Kitchen, where Messner works as a waitress, is holding a fundraiser for her from 5 to 9 p.m. Wednesday. She’s not one to ask for help, but her co-workers insisted on donating their wages and tips from the evening to help pay some of her bills.

Restaurant owner Scott Perry said he will donate 25 percent of Wednesday’s dinner sales to the effort. The restaurant also is accepting donations for the family, which can be dropped off at Tuscano’s, 14919 North Kelsey St. There’s also a GoFundMe page.

“I’m blown away” by all the support, Messner said. “It gives me hope.”

She met Strinden in 2010 when they worked together at the Goodwill store in Monroe.

“He was very respectful and polite, but a little too tall for my taste,” said the 5-foot-3 Messner of her 6-foot-4 fiance.

At 19 she had been single for two years and wasn’t looking to change that. Kandyce was 18 months old when she met Strinden. When she arrived in Washington from Wyoming, she’d wanted to provide a better life for her daughter.

Messner was impressed by Strinden’s pride in his Christian faith. He even carried a pocket Bible.

“I could tell he was a God-loving man without him saying that,” she said. “But he could spit off a Bible verse quicker than anyone I know.”

The first time they kissed, Strinden was apparently so smitten he passed out.

“No joke, he toppled over like a tree,” Messner recalled, noting he woke up a minute later.

Strinden grew up in Monroe but attended Cedar Park Christian Schools in Bothell until his senior year of high school. He graduated from Monroe’s Sky Valley Education Center in 2010.

He hoped to someday do manufacturing work for Boeing. He had experience working with his hands, making products for Werner Paddles in Sultan and Canyon Creek Cabinet Co. in Monroe.

“He liked the challenge of making it perfect,” Messner said.

Strinden was finishing his associate’s degree at Cascadia College. After school, he took care of Kandyce. They did homework, read books and played Uno, Go Fish and other card games while Messner waited tables.

When they first met, Strinden was shy and didn’t really know how to interact with a toddler, Messner said. That quickly changed and the two bonded.

“Just like ours, their love grew every day,” Messner said.

At first, she didn’t want Kandyce to call Strinden Dad. Kandyce did it anyway. He was the only father she’d ever known.

On Kandyce’s birthdays, Strinden would sit all day at Mukilteo Beach to make sure they had the best fire pit for her party.

The family often visited a spot on the Skykomish River near their home on Ben Howard Road. If they were fishing, Messner had to kill the fish and cook it.

“He was the softest-hearted person,” she said.

They enjoyed live music and the outdoors together, hiking, snowboarding, sledding and making snowmen.

Strinden was a musician who played almost every day. He strummed acoustic, electric and bass guitars or kept the beat on drums. When he’d had his fill of Messner and her girlfriends, he’d sit back and pick out a tune while they talked.

“It was his quiet time to recoup and reset,” Messner said.

Strinden is preceded in death by his grandfather, Ed Utterback. He is survived by his mother, Loretta Williams; father, Michael Strinden; stepmother, Joy Vander Houten; stepfather, John Williams; and grandparents, Harlon and Donna Strinden and Sue Utterback. He also leaves behind a pitbull-pointer mix, Zedd and a cat, Cyprus.

Although his stepfather played for the Seahawks as a young man, Strinden was never much of a football fan until they started dating, said Messner, a lifelong 12. Soon enough, Strinden knew more about football than she did.

He encouraged Messner to get her high school diploma. She hopes to someday finish it and go on to earn her associate’s degree. She hasn’t decided on a career but knows she likes helping people.

For now, mornings are hard for her and her daughter. Messner wakes up angry that her fiance is no longer here. Nights are tough, too. She and Kandyce hold each other, talk about their feelings and cry. They’re staying with family because going home is too hard.

“It’s no longer our place,” Messner said. “He was my everything. He was my rock and the person I could cry to. He’s the one person I could trust without a doubt.”

Messner is struggling to maintain the strict routine and consistency he provided for Kandyce. They’re facing Christmas and a future without him.

“I don’t feel like there’s anyone in this world who is as golden as he was,” Messner said. “It might take a while but I’m going to start over from ground zero.”

Amy Nile: 425-339-3192; anile@heraldnet.com. Twitter: @AmyNileReports.