How to use rules to rein in obnoxious potty talk

Published 12:01 am Monday, February 28, 2011

Question: Your kids think potty talk is hilarious and every tactic you’ve tried — ignoring it, punishing it, politely asking them to stop it — fails.

Answer: “I hate to be the one to break it to you, but potty talk is hilarious,” says Brett Berk, early childhood expert and author of “The Gay Uncle’s Guide to Parenting” ($13.95).

We’re inclined to disagree, but an inordinate number of Ben Stiller movies involve toilet scenes, and they always seem to find an audience. So maybe Berk is on to something.

Still, must we listen to it day in and day out?

“Trust me, most folks outgrow it,” Berk says. “But if hearing your kid regularly say ‘poo’ and ‘butt’ is really that intolerable, as with anything you’re trying to put the kibosh on, use my patented E.A.R. method. It’s not a magic bullet — one doesn’t exist — but if applied regularly, I guarantee it will work.”

Explain: Calmly tell them what your rules are. (“We don’t use that kind of language at the dinner table.”)

Adjust: Give them the scaffolding needed to comprehend this information. (“It’s gross to talk about that stuff when we’re trying to eat.”)

Redirect: Provide them with viable and approved options for what they can do instead. (“You can say that all you want in the bathroom, or when you’re alone in your bedroom.”)

Berk also endorses “the co- option option,” which he used often when he was a preschool director in New York City.

“Set aside one time of the week — Tuesdays after dinner, in the car ride to soccer practice on Saturday, in the bathtub Friday night — where the kids are allowed to say whatever disgusting stuff they want for two full minutes,” he says.

“But make it so that in order to earn this privilege, they need to keep their language clean for the rest of the week. It will get it out of their system, and I’m willing to bet they won’t be able to fill the time.”

And rest assured: Your kids’ potty humor is completely age-appropriate and in no way a cause for alarm.

“As with making mud pies, being smeared with chocolate, and splashing in puddles, kids are developmentally hardwired to transgress and to find enjoyable things that we think are disgusting,” Berk says.

“It’s how they figure out the boundaries of safety and propriety. Again, it’s also fun.”