Jenny Bardsley loves her Dyson V8 Absolute cord-free vacuum so much she snapped its picture.

Jenny Bardsley loves her Dyson V8 Absolute cord-free vacuum so much she snapped its picture.

The vacuum cleaner that doesn’t suck is one that sucks

In praise of my cordless Dyson V8 Absolute and its “Maximum Suck” setting.

The best type of vacuum is the one that sucks

What is your most detested household chore? For me, it’s vacuuming the stairs. I hate dragging the heavy vacuum up step after step, battling with the cord and trying not to trip. Then there’s that vacuum smell that’s so particular, like burning dust. I change the bag on a regular basis, but the upright still smells.

Unfortunately, my house has white carpet that’s at least 20 years old. It shows each speck of dirt, especially in spring when everyone — including our poodle, Merlin — tracks crud into the house. The stairs need to be vacuumed every other day. Replacing the carpet is out of the question — at least for as long as Merlin’s alive. So I came up with a different solution.

Last year on Amazon Prime Day, when Amazon rolled out sales that rivaled Black Friday, I bought a Dyson V8 Absolute cord-free vacuum. I had never owned a Dyson before, and I was curious to see if it would live up to the hype. Boy, does it ever.

Vacuuming without a cord is a snap. I unhook it from its wall mount in the garage, tackle the stairs and hang it up again. It takes four minutes, tops. By contrast, my old vacuum took four minutes to deal with cord coiling and uncoiling.

I was skeptical if a cordless vacuum would be as powerful as my old upright, but I needn’t have worried. I empty the Dyson’s canister every time I use it, and it’s always full.

One of the best things about my cordless Dyson is that it appeals to me on a psychological level. The Dyson Absolute has two settings, High Suction Extended Run, and Max Suction. The first setting runs for 40 minutes before it needs to be recharged. The Max setting lasts seven minutes. I usually use the Max setting, because I love having a short time limit on the task of vacuuming. I’d rather vacuum seven minutes a day, then ruin 40 minutes of a perfectly good Wednesday morning.

There are three major drawbacks of the Dyson V8 Absolute. In order to make it go you need to hold down the button at all times. This might be difficult for someone with arthritis. The second issue is cost. It sells for around $449 online. But remember, I bought mine on sale, so I spent much less than that. The third problem is only a consideration if you have a teenage boy in the house. My 14-year-old can’t be trusted to vacuum without cracking a joke about the “maximum suck” setting. But at least he vacuums, right?

Between my Roomba, my Dyson and child labor, I’m on track for helping my old white carpet last another five years. Now I just need to find a solution for cleaning the presents my geriatric poodle leaves behind. Dang it, Merlin! I just took you for a walk.

Jennifer Bardsley publishes books under her own name and the pseudonym Louise Cypress. Find her online on Instagram @the_ya_gal, on Twitter @jennbardsley or on Facebook as The YA Gal. Her email is: teachingmybabytoread@gmail.com

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