Graham: It’s OK when superheroes need to remove their capes

Published 1:30 am Tuesday, September 29, 2020

By Ciera Graham / Herald columnist

I remember how lucky I felt seeing Michelle Obama on her book tour for “Becoming.”

I had the anticipation and joy of a young child on Christmas morning. From the moment the world was introduced to Michelle Obama, we not only loved her impeccable style, but we became engrossed with her determination to define the First Lady role in her own distinctive and authentic way.

She wanted to show how multifaceted womanhood is: She was a wife, a mother, a devoted daughter, and a strong advocate for military families and childhood obesity. Unlike previous first ladies who remained secluded and sequestered by their husband’s spotlight and fame, Michelle Obama had a peculiar way of managing the demands of her role but not losing her shine and herself in the process.

Barack Obama became the center stage for the American political system, but Michelle worked conspicuously behind the scenes carving out her own identity, cultivating her own network, and finding her own voice and platform to stand on. She faced immense criticism about her fashion and choice in clothing and faced a barrage of attacks when she expressed conflicting feelings about being proud of America as a Black woman.

People talked about how her look was ungracious or not feminine enough because she valued physical fitness and was athletically built. She always opted for the moral high ground when faced with blatant sexist and racist remarks. She demonstrated that despite her occupying a space and role that was not meant for her, she had to continue to stay true to herself, her morals, and her values. Her existence became her resistance.

When I sat in the Tacoma Dome last year, I witnessed a woman with so much grace and candor; she spoke about self-love, love for her family and the importance of women finding their own voice and walking in their own power. She celebrated the release of her memoir of the White House years, and the successes of her husband’s presidency. She also spoke about the harsh realities of being in the spotlight and having every move and behavior scrutinized. She spoke about how exhausting it was to hear about racial strife in America and being forced to appear unaffected by it all during public speaking engagements.

I, too, saw much of myself in what she faced, as I am sure many other Black women did as well. We understand this type of persistent code switching we have to do as we navigate both Black and white worlds. In predominately Black spaces, we can be authentic and emotional; as we navigate predominately white spaces, we must be unmoved, unaffected and near perfection at every moment. “Becoming” for many Black women is our daily mantra and our daily strife.

Fast forward from witnessing her amazing stardom in person last year, she also recently disclosed on her new podcast that she had been experiencing low-grade depression. She attributed this depression to the coronavirus pandemic quarantine, racism, and the hypocrisy of the Trump administration.

While low-grade depression is not an official diagnosis — as a person experiencing this does not meet the criteria for a depressive order — the symptoms are still similar to depression. Some people may experience sadness, loss of interest in activities, sleep and appetite disturbances and difficulty concentrating. Obama spoke candidly about how she frequently woke up in the middle of the night because she is worried about something or feels heavy.

As with many ambitious women like Obama, our busy lives often make it increasingly difficult to deal with the realities of our mental health. We’re so busy that we often don’t pay attention to our bodies and our minds. We may chalk up a few days of irregular sleep or mood swings as a just a few bad days. We’re told to be strong, resolute and a lot of people depend on us for answers and solutions, so we’re never able to be vulnerable or appear weak. I’m sure when many people heard that Michelle Obama was experiencing low-grade depression, we may have doubted her, appeared shocked or even wondered how a woman who seemingly has it all together could be experiencing mental health issues or expressing a moment of weakness.

I felt that Obama disclosing her experience with depression was profound and a pivotal moment. This year has been a confusing and tumultuous; many of us have found it difficult to remain divorced from our phones and media so we become witnesses to the decline of America, the disastrous impact of COVID-19 to our world and people’s families and the enormous impact that racism has in the perpetuation of harm and trauma on Black and Brown lives.

We’ve witnessed this all in such a short period of time with very few outlets to deal with this trauma. Instead of taking time off or just taking a break from life, we’ve had to constantly show up, be present and we’ve had to lead. We’ve had to be wives, mothers, caretakers, teachers and essential workers; and many of us have had to juggle multiple roles at once.

We’ve had to push aside trauma and depression in the name of being strong and resolute. Michelle Obama, a woman who has soared even higher since the end of Obama’s presidency —releasing a book, finishing a sold-out book tour, and releasing her own podcast — is letting the world know that in spite of her successes, it’s OK to not be OK. It’s OK to be affected by the world.

Most importantly, she’s telling us all that the superhero in all of us needs rest, and sometimes we may need to surrender our cape. This may be the most important lesson that 2020 has taught us.

Follow Herald columnist Ciera Graham on Twitter @CieraGrahamPhD.