June wrestles with identity
Published 1:09 pm Sunday, June 10, 2012
Authorities insist it’s just a rumor that June has entered the federal Witness Protection Program and is now going by her new name, January. Let’s assume our headline-reviewing identity:
•”McCaw’s island for sale for $75 million”: Craig and Susan McCaw have put their 780-acre island near Victoria, B.C., on the market, the Seattle Times reported. James Island sports a Jack Nicklaus-designed golf course, an airstrip, extensive docks, a four-bedroom, 5,000-square-foot residence built of reclaimed cedar, a warehouse-turned-entertainment-center, a gym, a store, staff accommodations and six guest cottages.
And with Father’s Day just next week! (Dads named James get dibs on the dreaming.)
•”Once more into the drink, Mayor Bloomberg”: Since everyone and their mother apparently agrees New York’s ban-happy mayor has gone too far with his latest proposal to stop the sale of super-sized sugary sodas at restaurants, theaters and arenas, we’ll come to his defense on a couple of points:
The term “super-size” wasn’t in our vocabulary until a fast food chain marketed it as a verb, and was so successful it became the poster-child phrase summing up our nation’s obesity epidemic, so much so that the chain that came up with it has abandoned it, and the practice. If such quantities didn’t exist, “super” would no longer be needed to describe food and drink quantities. And that would be good.
Plus, getting rid of huge drinks — sugary or not — at theaters and arenas, just might ease those super-sized lines at the restrooms.
•”Mayor Bloomberg backs plan to limit arrests for marijuana”: But only because such arrests are clogging up the New York City police department’s controversial “stop and frisk” program, which is exactly what it sounds like. And people are upset about their sodas being taken away?
”John Edwards mistress writes book about affair”: The book, “What Really Happened: John Edwards, Our Daughter, and Me,” details Rielle Hunter’s affair with the former presidential candidate during the 2008 contest that led to an out-of-wedlock birth, campaign finance fraud charges and a high-profile trial, the Los Angeles Times reported.
Gosh, thanks, mom. Can’t wait to grow up and read that.
•”Woolly mammoth skeleton dug up in a backyard”: An Iowa man and his sons found what turned out to be a mammoth’s femur on their property.
University of Iowa researchers were excavating for the rest of the giant mammal’s remains until handed a cease-and-desist order from the family dog, and neighboring canines, Sir Barks A Lot (Rover), et al, who claim they long ago discovered, carefully divvied up and laboriously reburied the bones exactly to their liking.
