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New Year’s resolutions

Published 9:39 pm Monday, December 31, 2007

By Doug Parry, Herald staff

Today’s the day when many people make resolutions, starting with “Next New Year’s Eve, I’ll remember that old saying about beer before liquor.” Today’s editorial and Dear Abby offer some ideas to help get you started.

Not to be left out, we’ve got a few ways to improve your life in 2008:

Resolve to watch more football. Get to work on this one today by watching 13 consecutive hours of college bowl games on TV, starting at 8 a.m. If your spouse objects, don’t worry. Divorce courts are closed today.

Resolve to keep your record clean if you want to visit Canada. Americans face a hassle at the border if they have minor criminal offenses on their records. Canadians say the policy will continue until we promise to keep Celine Dion in Las Vegas.

Resolve to eliminate clutter. One expert offers a step-by-step program to get organized, but it sounds like a lot of work. Here’s a time-tested way to do it:

  • Step 1: Put all your junk in your garage.

  • Step 2: Sell your house and buy a new one.

  • Step 3: When you move, leave the garage full of stuff for the new owners.

  • Step 4: Every few years, repeat steps 1-3.

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