Start growing those couch potatoes early
Published 9:00 pm Sunday, May 14, 2006
What’s all the fuss over the new, round-the-clock TV channel called BabyFirstTV?
After all, as Sharon Rechter, BabyFirstTV’s executive vice president for business development and marketing, told the Associated Press, “The fact of life is that babies are already watching TV.”
Well, not without adult help, they aren’t. (How do babies “watch” TV? Ceiling screens? Duct-taping them to the wall across from the flat-screen? Baby cell phones?)
Rechter adds: “That’s why having BabyFirstTV is so important – what we want to offer is completely safe, commercial-free and appropriate content.”
Oh, well, in that case, crank it up. It’s safe! Never mind those nannies at the American Academy of Pedriatics who say babies, and children under 2, shouldn’t watch TV at all.
When Dr. Donald Shifrin, the organization’s spokesman says, “Using videos and television in this age range is basically an uncontrolled experiment on youngsters,” he just doesn’t understand how safe, commercial-free and appropriate the channel will be.
But Dr. Edward McCabe, a paid adviser to BabyFirstTV, understands. “BabyFirstTV helps parents become better parents,” he told “Good Morning America.”
A BabyFirstTV claim to fame is that it encourages parents to watch the shows alongside their babies, as opposed to just plopping them in front of the screen. The channel will offer “instructional subtitles on the screen.” (How about, “Time to take a break from the TV”?) These things, BabyFirstTV hawkers say, make the channel “interactive” and “active, not passive.”
They really should’ve named the station GuiltFreeTV. Hey, parents, TV is good for your babies! All babies are doing it, don’t be the last on your block! If you watch TV together, that makes it an active experience!
While BabyFirstTV is still working on its 24/7 lineup, it has announced it has these infant shows in the works:
“Baby Survivor”: Two teams of babies battle it out at a deserted day care, voting one member out of the playpen on every show.
“Infant Idol”: The talent show for tots, complete with a Simon Cowell-type judge, which gives the innocent babes an early, appropriate lesson about every American’s right to be judged, rejected and ridiculed before a national TV audience. “You call that drool?! My grandmother drools better than that!” “Is that supposed be crawling? That’s nothing more than wiggling!” “Who ever told you that you can coo? Your mother?”
“Desperate Diapers”: A dark comedy involving the secret, wild antics of some suburban babies living on Diphtheria Lane.
Now, where can you buy teeny, tiny TV remote controls? Let the little ones turn it off.
