By Jon Bauer / Herald Opinion Editor
If you’re checking your calendar, yes, it is still only January.
Back to your cave, Mr. Plato: A Texas A&M philosophy professor has been told by university officials that his syllabus for a contemporary moral issues philosophy course must pull readings by the Greek philosopher Plato that are related to issues of race and gender ideology, despite demands that universities devote more attention to classical education and the foundations of Western thought.
Like that robe wasn’t a bit of a giveaway regarding Plato’s attitudes toward cross-dressing.
In other news this week that would have had Plato putting a second straw into Socrates’ hemlock:
How much more if you throw in Iceland? Despite talk from presidential aide Stephen Miller that Greenland “rightfully belonged” to the U.S. and it had a right to take it through threat of military force, Secretary of State Marco Rubio instead told lawmakers that President Trump plans to buy Greenland and has asked aides to give him an updated plan for acquiring the territory.
Buy Greenland? In this economy? Has the president checked Zillow lately for Arctic nations with considerable natural resources, strategic advantages and a location near nice parks and good schools? He just acquired a lush vacation country in South America, so potential rental properties in our budget? And what about his plans for resort development in Gaza? What if he put some capital into fixing up Puerto Rico, then flipping it for a profit? Perhaps, then he’d have enough for a down payment on Greenland.
You’ll need some raw whole milk to wash down that triple cheeseburger: Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr’s announced a revised “food pyramid” that puts more meat and full-fat dairy products at the top and moves whole grains to the bottom.
Additionally, along with the five food groups — protein, dairy, fruit, vegetables and grains — Kennedy also announced a sixth food group: road kill.
Hold my beer while I get another beer: Mehmet “Dr.” Oz, administrator for the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services, added his own thoughts on alcohol. While advising people to drink judiciously, Oz said alcohol was “a social lubricant that brings people together” and “there’s probably nothing healthier than having a good time with friends in a safe way.” Critics of the changes said the new guidance appeared to echo the talking points from the meat, dairy and alcohol industries.
“Nonsense,” said Oz, as he invited reporters to “socially lubricate” by joining him in a round of keg stands.
‘BE THERE, WILL BE WILD! WHITE HOUSE WILL VALIDATE PARKING.’ On the fifth anniversary of the pro-Trump riot at the U.S. Capitol, the White House launched a new web page offering the Trump administrations’ take on the events of Jan. 6, 2021. The webpage blames Capitol police, who were protecting lawmakers there to certify the 2020 election, for starting the violence and makes no reference to the nearly 140 police officers who were injured in the melee, nor any who later died of injuries or subsequent health issues. It also claims President Trump called supporters to Washington that day for a “peaceful and historic protest,” and referred to those arrested, charged and convicted as “patriotic protesters.”
Some other select historical findings on the webpage: Protesters who left piles of feces and puddles of urine in Capitol hallways and offices were “fertilizing democracy with patriotic movements.” Calls of “Nancy, where are you?” were merely protesters playing a game of hide-and-seek with then-Speaker Nancy Pelosi. And Jake Angeli, the QAnon Shaman, who — and we are not making this part up, because it’s not in italics — is running for governor of Arizona, blew on one of the bison horns from his headdress as a call for civility and understanding among all Americans.
Now, you’ve ruined the surprise: During an address to congressional Republicans at the Trump-Kennedy Center, President Trump stressed the importance of the upcoming midterm elections and defeating Democratic candidates; beyond protecting their own political futures. “You got to win the midterms, because if we don’t win the midterms, they’ll find a reason to impeach me,” Trump said. “I’ll get impeached.”
A reason? Just one? You needn’t worry, Mr. President. The Democrats’ articles of impeachment will go on so long they won’t finish reading them on the House floor until the end of your third term.
Oh, the name? Nothing that can’t be fixed with a Sharpie: With a visit scheduled next week between President Trump and Venezuelan opposition leader and Nobel Peace Prize winner Maria Corina Machado, Machado has offered to present Trump with her Nobel for removing former president Nicholás Maduro from the country. Trump told Fox News “it would be a great honor” to accept the award, adding it was “a major embarrassment to Norway” that he wasn’t presented the award in the first place.
Now, Ms. Machado, throw in a gold-plated oil barrel and Trump may be willing to talk about scheduling elections in Venezuela.
Email Jon Bauer jon.bauer@heraldnet.com.
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