The Buzz: We’re still here; so why did you miss the rapture?
Published 1:30 am Friday, September 26, 2025
By Jon Bauer / Herald Opinion Editor
Being that you’re reading this, and we still have VHS tapes we never returned to Blockbuster, following Tuesday’s scheduled rapture, we all apparently deserve to be here. Shame on us.
In other hardly surprising news this week:
It’s ‘May it please the court,’ not ‘May it please the plaintiff’: A federal judge in Florida dismissed President Trump’s $15 million defamation lawsuit against The New York Times, its reporters and a book publisher, giving Trump’s attorney 28 days to file an amended complaint that was at least half the length of the 85-page original. Among the judge’s criticism of the filing’s failings: “A complaint is not a public forum for vituperation and invective. Not a protected platform to rage against an adversary.” The judge pointed to “florid” and “tedious and burdensome” language that cited Trump’s “singular brilliance” and described his 2024 election win as “the greatest personal and political achievement in American history.”
Really, the lawyers should have known better. Such effusive praise for Trump isn’t appropriate for legal documents; save it for Cabinet meetings where Trump can hear it.
‘Broomgilda, put a few leeches on his forehead’: Telling pregnant women they should just “tough it out” and not take Tylenol or similar painkillers when experiencing a fever, President Trump last week alleged a link between acetaminophen and autism in children, but cited no evidence or studies confirming a link. He did, however, stumble over the pronunciation of acetaminophen. Trump also inveighed against combined vaccines for kids, adding, “don’t let them pump your baby up with the largest pile of stuff you’ve ever seen in your life.” Scientists and advocates for those with autism countered the claims as unproven and possibly dangerous.
To recap his medical recommendations, the next time kindly ol’ Doc Trump makes a house call, his well-stocked black bag will have hydroxychloroquine, ivermectin, a syringe full of disinfectant for the lungs, high-powered ultraviolet lights for shining inside the body and, for good measure, blood-letting knives and a pack of Chesterfields to blow smoke up the patient’s ass. But no Tylenol.
‘As I was saying before I was interrupted’: After ABC and Disney relented to protests, it returned late-night talk show host Jimmy Kimmel to his show Tuesday following a brief suspension over comments related to the shooting death of conservative activist Charlie Kirk. Trump quickly objected: “I can’t believe ABC Fake News gave Jimmy Kimmel his job back. The White House was told by ABC that his Show was cancelled,” Trump wrote in a Truth Social post. “Something happened between then and now because his audience is GONE, and his ‘talent’ was never there. Why would they want someone back who does so poorly, who’s not funny, and who puts the Network in jeopardy by playing 99% positive Democrat GARBAGE.”
We empathize, Mr. President. A lot of us look at your poll numbers and wonder how you ever got your old job back.
Let’s see how well Kimmel does against Capt. Puget: Kimmel’s return wasn’t complete as two companies that own about 20 percent of ABC’s affiliates, including Seattle’s KOMO-TV (Channel 4), have so far declined to run Kimmel’s show. Sinclair Broadcast Group, which owns the Seattle station, said it wouldn’t run the show unless Kimmel apologizes to the stations and makes a donation to Turning Point USA, the group Kirk founded.
Until then, expect KOMO to broadcast reruns of its apocalyptic 2019 documentary “Seattle is Dying,” and old episodes of “Exploration Northwest with Don McCune.”
That apology might take a while: Even without the affiliate stations of the two broadcast group owners, Kimmel’s return still drew 6.2 million broadcast viewers, nearly four times his usual numbers, and another 15 million views on YouTube.
Jimmy Fallon, host of “The Tonight Show” on NBC, immediately ordered his writers to work on material that was critical enough of Trump to get him suspended. if only for a few days. A sample: “Trump is the only president whose official presidential portrait is his mug shot.” Fallon rejected the joke because it’s true.
It’s like Michael Jackson’s Moonwalk but far less smooth: The White House and its pundit supporters, including Fox News’ Jesse Watters, saw malign intent in an escalator malfunction at the United Nations before President Trump’s address to the General Assembly, which left Trump and the first lady at the bottom of the escalator when it froze. UN staff said a White House videographer at the top of the escalator may have accidentally triggered a safety device, shutting it down. Trump’s Teleprompter also failed during his speech. Watters, convinced of sabotage, commented on his show that “we need to either leave the UN or bomb it … maybe gas it,” comments he walked back after co-hosts objected.
With a long history of such ill-considered critiques, “Jesse Watters walks back comments” gets so many hits on Google it’s inspired a viral TikTok dance trend.
Elections have consequences: The win by an Arizona Democrat for a vacant U.S. House seat appears to provide the 218 votes necessary to force a floor vote that would demand that the Trump administration release its investigative files on convicted sex trafficker and one-time Trump friend Jeffrey Epstein. Adelita Grijalva, who won election to her late father’s seat, has committed to signing on to the discharge petition, which House Speaker Mike Johnson and all but three House Republicans have opposed.
Trump announced that he was calling a news conference to announce a new FDA finding that exposure to Adelita Grijalva has been linked to male pattern baldness in members of Congress, though he will mispronounce her name as A-deli-ta-ti-ta Grig-a-lava, also known as Tylenol.
Email Jon Bauer at jon.bauer@heraldnet.com. Follow him on Bluesky @jontbauer.bsky.social.
