New book by local coach, parent helping sports parents be better

As a longtime youth soccer coach, Mike Bergstrom strives to create a positive experience for every athlete.

“One of my first rules when working with kids is, ‘Do no harm,’” said Bergstrom, who has coached for 15 years.

Bergstrom, a Marysville resident, took the same approach as a first-time author. He self-published a book called “The Car Ride Home.” It encourages parents to keep a proper perspective to ensure that they make their children’s participation in sports is fun and constructive.

One of Bergstrom’s key points is that parents have three roles: Guardian, chauffeur and cheerleader. “I found the teams that are the most successful and the kids that are the most successful, that’s the role their parents play,” said the 46-year-old Bergstrom, who currently coaches a U-13 girls developmental team for the Everett-based Evergreen Soccer Club.

Bergstrom grew up playing soccer and graduated from Mount Rainier High School in Des Moines. With three children who played youth sports at various levels, he has seen the good and bad sides of athletics as a dad and a coach. He shares helpful reminders in his 67-page, to-the-point book.

“It will either help you, or you’ll feel like you wasted 35 minutes of your life,” Bergstrom said with a laugh during a recent interview.

He started marketing the book, which costs $7.95, in May and had sold 1,200 copies as of July 22.

Bergstrom’s said his mission is to put “perspective back in the game and giving the game back to the kids.”

Here are selections from a conversation with Bergstrom.

Q

Why did you decide to write a book?

A“I started coaching my daughter’s U-11 select soccer team. In three years we played in 23 tournament championship games and won 19 — I had more trophies then I knew what to do with.” “About the time they were U-15, I started to see things I hadn’t seen before. I started to see cliques.”

After some investigation, Bergstrom discovered parents were encouraging players to not pass to certain kids. He noticed players having less fun and saw more head-shaking, eye-rolling and finger-pointing.

“It’s a learned behavior that comes from parents, unfortunately,” Bergstrom said.

Combining notes from his coaching experiences and his time as a dad cheering on the sidelines, Bergstrom finally wrote a book after mulling it over for six years.

“About a year ago my wife said, ‘You keep saying you’re going to write a book. Either shut up or write a book,’” Bergstrom recalled.

Q Why did you choose the small format (41/4 inches by 67/8 inches)?

A“It can fit in a pocket or fit in a purse, and it has a pledge in the back that parents and players can sign. You put it in your back pocket and keep it with you at the game.”

QWhat kind of response have you received?

A“It’s been very well-received, at least the people that share with me. The e-mails I get from people have been very rewarding.”

One athlete’s mom who bought the book told Bergstrom she used to think of an excuse to take a second car to games because she knew her children never wanted to ride home with their father. She planned to give him the book.

QWho buys your book?

A“My number one market right now is coaches. My number two market is wives. They give it to their husbands.”

QHow can you reach parents who would benefit the most from your book?

A“I try to just say, ‘I find that I’m willing to spend eight bucks and 35 minutes of my time if there’s any way at all I can possibly improve my daughter’s sports experience. Are you willing to invest eight bucks and 30 minutes of your time?’ Some will and some won’t.

“I make it very clear in (the book) that I made all of these mistakes myself, and I say parents are good folks; sometimes we just lose our perspective. We all love our kids. It doesn’t make us bad people.”

QWhy did you get into coaching?

A“My dad was a great coach. (Bergstrom’s father coached Bergstrom in youth soccer from ages 9 to 12.) I love sports. To this day, the friends that I still have are kids that I played sports with.”

QWhat advice would you give someone who is thinking about coaching their child?

A“Apply the same rules to every child on the team — yours and others — and the same level of expectation. My fault was to be too hard on my kids. Be very even-handed.

“You’re a dad and you’re a coach, so wear two separate hats. When I’m at home, I’m dad.”

Mike Cane: mcane@heraldnet.com. Check out the prep sports blog Double Team at www.heraldnet.com/doubleteam.