Lessons about bullying need to begin at home

Published 9:00 pm Tuesday, May 20, 2003

School districts across Washington have their homework cut out for them this summer. Some already have a head start, but others have a ways to go to draft state-mandated policies on bullying and harassment.

Wouldn’t it be great if parents did the same thing in their homes? Imagine if parents crafted anti-harassment and anti-bullying statements and taped them to the refrigerator door along with Tyler’s Little League softball picture and Tiffany’s soccer schedule. Imagine if the policies were actually enforced.

This week’s Herald series by reporters Sharon Salyer and Eric Stevick and columnist Bill France put a scorching spotlight on the issue and crushed some myths almost as fast as a cruel word can crush a child. It also made it very clear that this state’s schools are taking the issue seriously, thanks to many educators, children’s organizations and agencies, including the attorney general’s office.

But are parents? Obviously parents whose children are being hurt take the issue seriously. What about parents whose youngsters are doing the hurting? As the articles highlighted, many of those parents are in as much denial as their children. So, once again our schools are left to teach some very basic values to our children while providing a quality education at the same time. Now they’re also charged with educating parents who may be as resistant to the truth as their children are to the Golden Rule.

This is a complicated issue. In the world of elementary and middle school, especially, bullies and victims can switch places in the course of a day. It’s mind-boggling. Some of the harassment is painfully clear; other types are less obvious to a busy adult charged with keeping track of dozens, if not hundreds, of children.

While parents really should be the ones to teach their children these life lessons, school is where most of the offenses originate, even if the cruelty happens off campus — as was the case for Lake Stevens teen Kristi Bergman, whose story, "Outcast no more," was featured in Monday’s paper. School officials can’t wait for parents and students to handle the matter themselves. They must step forward with clear policies that parents and kids understand and that are still flexible enough to sensitively approach those "special" circumstances. And they must address what will happen to students who fail to change their behavior. Providing that mix of education and discipline could prove to be a big challenge for some schools. As awareness is raised within the classroom, principals’ and counselors’ offices could become revolving doors.

Yes, parents have a right to expect a clear, solid policy from their child’s school district come September, when the law requiring it kicks in. And they have an even greater responsibility to teach and demand good behavior from their children — even when they’re not around to witness it. Otherwise, parents, don’t be surprised if you get a call from the school telling you that Tyler is picking on smaller kids and Tiffany’s tight-knit clique has run amok.