Gifts from a stranger ease grieving families’ pain

Published 11:01 pm Saturday, August 30, 2008

Unconditional love came into their lives with a gift from a stranger.

The gift allowed them to see the face of a loved one as they wished to remember it, not as they last saw it framed in the grief of what war took from them.

“It was an amazing thing. It was if Pat was there with us again … young and full of himself. It lifted a weight from my shoulders that had been there since we were told of his death, said David Nixon of Gallatin, Tenn.

In March 2003, Cpl. Patrick Nixon and 18 of his Marine comrades as well as 11 U.S. Army soldiers were killed in action at the “battle of the bridges” in Nasariyah, Iraq. “It has been the most difficult event of mine and my family’s life,” Nixon said.

“What Michael has done is to give our children back to us in a way that’s hard to describe. They, the portraits, make you smile and, I believe, help you know that all’s well. That’s not to say that we still don’t hurt, that’s a given, but not quite as much.”

The Michael he speaks of is Michael Reagan, 64, an Edmonds artist. Reagan in the midst of what some folks consider their retirement years, has a mission that consumes his life 12 hours a day, seven days a week.

You may have heard or read about his portraits of men and women who lost their lives while serving in Iraq and Afghanistan. Since 2004, he’s given these intricately detailed pieces to more than 1,300 families. (www.fallenheroesproject.org)

I saw a photo and story about Reagan posted on the wall of our local American Legion Post and gave him a call.

Frankly, I was about to set the interview aside when I learned he’d been in previous Herald news stories. Reagan convinced me to write about his work by asking that I not write about him.

“There have been many stories about what I do,” he said. “Write about the results. Write about the families who have experienced this terrible loss and have gone to another place in their lives where these portraits seem to speak to them, even change that last unbearable image they may have.”

When word got out among recipients of these portraits that I was writing about “results,” more than a dozen e-mails hit my box within a day. All related stories of sacrifice, loss, courage and most of all, unconditional love.

One was from Maj. Jeff Falkel, U.S. Air Force retired. He was just back at home in Colorado after spending two weeks near Fort Bragg, N.C., talking with families of the men who’d served with his son. His voice broke several times during our conversation but he wanted so much to tell me about his son.

Staff Sgt. Christopher Falkel, 22, was on his second tour of duty in Afghanistan when he was killed during a 54-hour battle with the Taliban on Aug. 8, 2005. A member of the 3rd Special Forces Group (Airborne), the Green Beret was awarded the Silver Star for his heroism and bravery.

Jeff Falkel told me he’s only been at a loss for words twice in his life. The first time came when he saw the white Suburban with two men in dress uniform outside his Colorado home. When you’re career military, you know even before they knock.

The second time came 15 months later.

Falkel, he said, means “small falcon” in the language of the Lakota Sioux. And it was the nickname he gave his son.

A year after Chris was buried at Arlington National Cemetery, a friend called to say he’d just seen a feature on NBC-TV about an Vietnam Vet who was doing portraits of men and women who lost their lives in Operation Enduring Freedom.

“I checked it out online and the portraits were amazing. I e-mailed Michael the next morning and he answered me almost immediately offering to do a portrait of my son. He asked me to send a photo.”

Falkel had one special request: Could Michael include a falcon in the portrait of Chris?

A few weeks later, Falkel was in Boca Raton, Fla., as keynote speaker at a fitness training institute graduation. The author of several books related to physical fitness, his speech, “Fit to be a Hero,” centered on his son’s life.

It was his first public speaking engagement since his son’s funeral. A friend asked how he was going to get through it since so much was about Chris. He wasn’t sure, just going on faith, he said, but the talk went off without a hitch.

An e-mail from Michael was waiting for him when he returned to the hotel. It included his sketch.

“He’d sent it within a moment or two of the time I’d begun my speech. I sat there and I couldn’t speak. It was incredible. I e-mailed Michael back to thank him and I said I was a little surprised by one thing. I’d always pictured the falcon over Chris’s head, but Michael had placed it beneath him.

“‘He’s riding on the falcon’s wings now.’ That’s what Michael told me,” Falkel, choking on tears, said. “That made it even more special.”

In recent months Falkel has been writing the story of his son, “The Making of Our Warrior.” It’s a far cry from his scholarly texts on fitness physiology, but it’s the genesis of a new twist to his career as a writer.

He’s formed a publishing company, Gold Star Press. This will be the company’s first book. After that his focus will be to help other Gold Star families publish the life stories of their fallen heroes.

Michael Reagan inspired him to begin this new project.

Once his book is in print Falkel will fly east to Arlington, Va., where he’ll deliver the first copy. Then he’ll fly here to deliver the second to Michael Reagan in Edmonds. “That’s how much what he did means to me.”

The result of giving love and respect unconditionally is that others follow your lead.

Can’t beat results like that.

Linda Bryant Smith writes about life as a senior citizen and the issues that concern, annoy and often irritate the heck out of her now that she lives in a world where nothing is ever truly fixed but her income. You can e-mail her at ljbryantsmith@yahoo.com.