A love letter to Roomba from a woman with dust allergies
Published 1:30 am Sunday, May 27, 2018
Dear Roomba,
It’s been 14 years since you entered my life, and you have made every day cleaner for me. That’s 5,113 days of vacuuming — around the living room, under the couch, jetting across the hallway — your insatiable quest for dust is inspiring. When I empty your bucket, I’m shocked at what you’ve found. Where did all of that dirt come from? Only you know, Roomba, and you’re great at keeping family secrets.
You’re also a champ at inspiring my children to tidy up. All I have to do is say: “Clean up those Legos or Roomba will get them,” and they spring into action. I see you there on your docking station, your motherboard chuckling with amusement. You show no mercy to slobs. Guitar picks, hair bands, tiny toys — you don’t discriminate between treasured items and junk that goes in the trash. You teach me by example to parent with tough love.
You have also taught me a lot about decorating. Who needs rugs with tassels? Not me. Rugs with bound edges have a streamlined look and are easier to vacuum. Clear flotsam and jetsam off the floor because it only gets in the way. There needs to be space in a house to move around.
Sometimes you need my help, like when you get stuck under the IKEA Poang chair or become trapped in the bathroom. I hear your sad beeps. “Do, do do doo.” When you don’t find your way back to the docking station you ask: “Please charge Roomba,” and I always do. Once in a while you become lost in the house. The kids and I span out and discover you hidden under a bed or wedged by the Total Gym.
Of course, let’s be honest here, you’ve had some work done this past decade. Your original incarnation only lasted a few years before I needed to replace you. Your second version was stronger, but eventually wore out. But your third body has lasted for six years and is still chugging along.
I wish I was as dependable as you when it came to cleaning. Think how shiny my kitchen would be if I could light up with energy and start scrubbing at the push of a button.
Roomba, I don’t want to get all emotional on you, but this is the truth, you have changed my life. I have horrible allergies to dust and dust mites. I’ve spent 32 years on allergy medicine. I went to the allergist for immunotherapy shots once a week, for six years. The beds in my house have encasements and the pillows are sealed up tight.
Allergy doctors always tell me the same thing: “Vacuuming daily is one of the best things to do for dust mite allergies.” But who has time for all that vacuuming?
You do, Roomba, and that’s why I love you.
Jennifer Bardsley is author of the books “Genesis Girl” and “Damaged Goods.” Find her online on Instagram @the_ya_gal, on Twitter @jennbardsley or on Facebook as The YA Gal.
