Tormented by self-inflicted financial stress? Let it go …

Published 1:30 am Sunday, November 13, 2016

At the beginning of the year, I chose a theme song to help with my New Year’s resolution to stop worrying about my financial security. It was “Let It Go” from Disney’s “Frozen.”

With two months left in the year, I’m struggling to keep my promise. It’s as if my worry is that last party guest who just won’t go home.

Although I give generously to my church, charity and family, I’m compulsively frugal. I have buyer’s remorse after most major purchases. If I spend more than I should, I beat myself up.

A recent incident made me realize that I’m that annoying partygoer. And there are others like me.

We are the ones who have such anxiety about spending money that we stress out the people around us. Or perhaps we’re making family and friends miserable with our miserly ways even though we are financially stable.

Do you recognize yourself in this story?

To celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary, my husband and I took a trip to Italy. Leading up to it, I worried myself sick, double-checking prices for everything. I kept researching prices even after I’d booked a flight or reserved a room to see if rates had dropped. Yes, sometimes I saved money.

The downside: I got upset whenever I couldn’t take advantage of a lower price. Had I booked too soon? Or booked too late?

I created detailed lists of everything I needed to pack so that I won’t have any unplanned expenses.

Then it happened: I forgot my coat.

And, to make matters worse, it was a new coat I had gotten just for the trip. I had agonized over buying it because it was a want and not a need.

So there I was in the airport waiting for our flight to Rome, distraught. My husband, brother and sister-in-law tried to calm me down. Unaware of my theme song, my brother said, “Let it go.”

I gave him the stinky eye.

With rain in the forecast and temperatures dipping into the 40s at night, how could I let it go? I would need a coat. I would need to spend money I shouldn’t need to spend. Didn’t he know this was an affront to all penny-pinchers?

My sister, who had called to wish me a safe trip, heard my distress right away. “What’s wrong?”

“I just can’t believe I left my coat,” I said. “I’m so mad at myself.”

Exasperated she said, “Let it go. Just buy another coat.”

“Are they all nuts?” I thought. I would have to replace something I already had at home. What a waste of money. I mentally retraced my steps trying to figure how I could have been so negligent.

I know what you financially sane folks are thinking: I’m a crazy person.

And you are absolutely right.

But in my mind, all unnecessary spending leads to financial ruin.

During a walking tour to see the Basilica of St. Francis in Assisi, I had to use the bathroom, but there was a 60-cent charge. I actually considered my options.

Trish Salerno, the Collette Tours manager, paid for me before I could fish out some change from my purse. I offered to pay her back but she wouldn’t take the money.

Seriously, I was relieved (pun intended) and told her so after which we both burst into laughter.

What did I tell you? I’m crazy.

My economic angst comes from a deep place. There’s a child in me who grew up low-income and who had to go without a lot of times. She’s fearful of not having enough. But I’m not that little Michelle anymore. And neither are you.

This column is dedicated to all penny-pinchers who live not to spend even when you have it and it’s necessary. If you’re a good money manager, let the worry go. (I’m also preaching to myself).

If you suffer from thriftiness torment, listen to “Let It Go.”

I bought a coat. And it’s beautiful! (Plus, I can take the other one back).

I am rededicating myself to stop my parsimonious pity parties. Are you with me?

— Washington Post Writers Group