The pursuit of joy brings meaning to our lives

Published 1:30 am Saturday, January 14, 2023

All human beings want happiness.

But we’re often hard-pressed to define this elusive state. Joe told me he was happy when he completed his Ph.D. Mary said she was happy when she was hiking on a sunny day in the North Cascades. Bill is happiest when he’s skiing in deep powder at Stevens Pass. Sarah is happy when her small children are happy. So it’s not hard to think about the conditions that bring happiness.

But the causes of happiness are often short-lived and can quickly become a cause of unhappiness. Once Joe had his Ph.D. for a few months, he took it for granted — it no longer gave him joy. Mary became unhappy when her hike was interrupted by a flash thunderstorm. Bill went skiing in deep powder and fell into a tree well. Sarah’s kids can go from summer to winter in a hot second.

Happiness is getting something you want that gives you pleasure. I love strawberry ice cream and just bought a pint of my favorite brand. I came home from a long walk looking forward to a bowl of my favorite sweet, only to find that my grandkids were finishing the last scoopful! Instead of happiness, I was disappointed.

So perhaps the pursuit of happiness may not be all it’s made out to be. It’s often fleeting. And worse, pleasure can be replaced by pain.

I prefer to pursue joy. But what is joy? How is it different than happiness? For me, joy is an experience that is meaningful as well as pleasurable. It often has a feeling of wonder and awe. Joy brings something to us that is more enduring than simply getting something we want.

My grandchildren bring me joy (as all grandparents will easily say) but don’t always make me happy. When my 6-year-old granddaughter is cranky she can be a handful. But I delight in having a close relationship with my grandkids who live nearby. Being in nature brings me joy, even when it’s raining and windy. My wife brings me joy, because of the deep connection and love we have for each other, but of course I’m not always happy when she loses her reading glasses for the third time in a day. Working as a psychologist brings me joy, although like everyone, if I’d rather be sleeping in on Monday morning, I might not be happy about going to work. Writing this column brings me joy, because I get meaning from sharing what I’ve learned.

It’s the pursuit of meaning that has depth and substance and endures through the ups and downs of everyday life. Meaning brings us joy. So, consider — what brings you meaning? What is awe-inspiring? What gives you joy? How can you make sure that your actions, choices, and day-to-day life is filled with meaning that brings you joy?

In the long run, pursuing joy will bring pleasure and meaning.

Paul Schoenfeld is a clinical psychologist at The Everett Clinic. His Family Talk blog can be found at www. everettclinic.com/ healthwellness-library.html.