Burke: Vanity, thy name is Trump; in gold capital letters

Published 1:30 am Wednesday, December 31, 2025

By Tom Burke / Herald Columnist

“Vanity, thy name is Trump” is a misquote of the Bard. A double misquote actually.

The line, from “Hamlet,” is actually “Fraility, thy name is woman,” and is Hamlet’s bitter denunciation of his mother after she hastily remarries following the murder of her husband and his father, the king, by the now-new husband. (Shakespeare’s line, among many, has been oft-appropriated ever since the Danish price took centerstage.)

But vanity and Trump fit together like Putin and dictator, Epstein and pedophile, or Ponzi and scheme.

Now I can understand making a business from one’s name. Henry Ford did it. So did Mr. Hires (for some reason I got root beer on my mind). Then there’s Adolph Coors and beer, George Foreman and his grill, William Henry Hoover and the vacuum cleaner, and Joseph-Ignace Guillotin and the device he “marketed” to separate heads, from heads of state and others.

So Trump, making a business out of licensing his name for hotels, casinos, vodka, steaks and water (those last four were classic product failures, by the way), is no biggie.

But, and there’s always a “but,” just as with any wretched excess, what does it say about a man who is so narcissistic, so wrapped in himself, so insecure he was born in Queens, N.Y., that his name isn’t on enough stuff already and he plasters TRUMP on the things owned by the American people, frankly abusing the power of the presidency.

I mean, isn’t there enough TRUMP already?

Consider: Trump Tower in New York; Trump Towers in Sunny Isles Beach, Fla.; Trump Tower Kolkata, India; Trump Tower Manila; Trump Towers Istanbul; Trump Towers Pune, India; Trump Towers Mumbai; and Trump Tower Punta del Este.

Then there’s Trump Plaza apartments in Jersey City, New Rochelle and New York City.

Plus The Trump Building, in New York; Trump Bay Street, in Jersey City; Trump Hollywood, Fla.; Trump Palace Condominiums and Trump Parc, Trump Parc East, and Trump Park Avenue, all in Manhattan (added to Trump Park Residences, Yorktown, N..Y.); Trump World Tower in New York City), as well as Daewoo Trump World, an apartment brand in South Korea.

His name is on hotels including TowerTrump, Las Vegas; Trump International Hotel and Tower in Chicago; Trump International Hotel and Tower in New York City; some golf courses including the Nationals in Bedminster, N.J.; Charlotte, N.C.; Colts Neck, N.J.; Hudson Valley NY; Jupiter, FL; Los Angeles, Philadelphia, Washington D.C, Westchester NY, West Palm Beach, Trump National Doral-Miami; Trump International Golf Club in Dubai; Trump World Golf Club in Dubai; Trump International Golf Links in Scotland; Trump International Golf Links and Hotel in Ireland, and Trump Turnberry in Scotland.

And let’s not forget Trump Sales and Leasing; Trump International Realty; Trump Buffet, Trump Catering, Trump Ice Cream Parlor; Donald Trump, The Fragrance; SUCCESS by Donald Trump (a second fragrance); Trump Collectable Cards, NFT; Trump-brand wrist watches; and Trump sneakers, the “Never Surrender High-Top.”

And if that weren’t enough, there’s two species of critter named for Trump: Neopalpa donaldtrumpi, a species of micro-moth with distinctive yellowish-white scales covering the head and Tetragramma donaldtrumpi, a species of fossil sea urchin.

So why, oh why, does he need to mark, like my puppy used to “mark” when out for a walk, everything within reach.

I mean there’s now TrumpRx.gov, a website directing patients to drug manufacturers’ direct-buy websites; the 2026 America the Beautiful National Park pass, (with side-by-side images of George Washington and Trump); the new Trump Gold Card, (featuring Trump alongside the Statue of Liberty and a bald eagle to fast-track immigration processing for applicants who pay a $15,000 Homeland Security fee and contribute an additional $1 million if approved); and the U.S. Mint’s new $1 Trump commemorative coin with Trump’s likeness on both sides, obstensively for the nation’s 250th anniversary.

And he renamed existing buildings, most notably the Donald J. Trump and John F. Kennedy Memorial Center for the Performing Arts and Donald J. Trump Institute of Peace, while tearing down the historic East Wing of the White House to build the President Donald J. Trump Ballroom as he plans for a massive Arc de Trump in Washington, D.C.

And just to complete the list, let’s not forget a planned Fort Trump military base in Poland; a Trump Station in Jerusalem; a Trump Heights in the occupied Golan Heights, a Trump Route for International Peace and Prosperity, to travel between Armenia and Azerbaijan and most absurdly, the Nobel Peace Prize for the guy who bombed Iran, bombed boats in the Caribbean, bombed boats in the Pacific, and bombed Nigeria on Christmas Day, sent armed troops into American cities, and is jonesing for a new class of battleship named after himself as well as the Boeing F-47 sixth-generation fighter referencing his position as the 47th president.

And just think, all this naming for someone who’s presidential job performance is a mere 36 percent of Americans (Gallup’s end-of-year-survey) and who bombed in a separate Economist/YouGov poll with only 39 percent of Americans approving his job performance (with 57 percent disapproving) while only 30 percent of Americans believe he is honest and trustworthy.

Let’s be real, folks, we have a president who doesn’t have a clue what’s happening and couldn’t care less; who is an incurious old man in observable mental and physical decline. And a man who marks his “success” with how often he sees his name everywhere he turns including, apparently, much to his dismay, throughout the Jeffery Epstein documents despite the best efforts of the “Justice” Department to redact his presence there.

And he’s only been in office one year.

Come on, midterms.

Slava Ukraini.

Tom Burke’s email address is t.burke.column@gmail.com.