The Buzz: A look back – peaking above hands over our eyes – at 2025
Published 1:30 am Saturday, December 27, 2025
By Jon Bauer / Herald Opinion Editor
Hey. You’re still here. Both of you.
Before we embark on yet another year of frustrations, disappointments and Trump rebranding, let’s look back at 2025, the year that fell to the floor in convulsive laughter whenever we thought, “Well, it can’t get any worse, can it?”
Fact Check of the Week; Make Love, Not War Department: (Feb 1.) No, the Biden administration did not send $50 million worth of condoms to Gaza, as President Trump claimed this week. U.S. foreign aid programs spent $80.8 million to distribute contraceptives worldwide last year, and most of that was sent to Africa. None was sent to Gaza.
Trump is obviously confusing the condoms with the 10,000 one-ton bombs — at list prices, $160 million for the lot — that the Biden administration “sent” to Gaza via Israel last year. Easy mistake to make.
‘First thing, ditch those fruity rainbow-ribboned medallions: (Feb. 8) President Trump is expected to announce that he will dismiss several board members for the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, the organization that stages its “Kennedy Center Honors” career celebration for performing artists. Trump during his first term never attended the ceremony, in apparent reaction to snubs of some celebrities.
Among next year’s expected honorees at the Trump Center for the Hugely Fantastic Performing Arts: Lee Greenwood, Kanye West (with Bianca Censori along until she’s escorted out), Kid Rock and “the late, great Hannibal Lecter,” recognized for his food and wine pairings.
I have a flat white mocha for Braxton: (Feb. 15) Missouri’s attorney general is suing Starbucks over its diversity, equity and inclusion policies that have made the Seattle-based coffee giant’s workforce “more female and less white,” forcing customers, he alleges, “to pay higher prices and wait longer for goods and services.”
The AG, Andrew Bailey, didn’t explain how Starbucks’ hiring policies were affecting prices and service, but with the obvious conclusion that DEI is responsible for wildfires, aviation disasters and bridge collapses, then it follows that DEI is also responsible for having to wait for a pricey venti eight-pump oat milk, 12-scoop matcha, no foam, green tea latte, exactly 180 degrees. With a cup of ice.
“Drats,” said Putin. “If only we had a navy and nuclear missiles”: (Feb. 22) President Trump traded barbs with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky on Wednesday, following talks about a potential peace deal between Russia and Ukraine that included representatives of the U.S. and Russia but excluded any participation by Ukraine. Among the criticisms hurled by Trump were false accusations that Ukraine started the war and false statements regarding Zelensky’s standing in his nation’s polls and the amount of aid the U.S. has provided to Ukraine, nearly tripling the actual figure. Trump further noted that the war was more important to Europe than it was to the U.S. because “We have a big beautiful Ocean as separation.”
Noting the 80th anniversary of the Battle of Iwo Jima earlier this week, would someone in the White House please Google “ocean between United States and Japan” and “attack on Pearl Harbor” for the president?
Next week’s email demand, subject line: What are you wearing? (Feb. 28) Like Special Government Employee™ Elon Musk, we’re a fan of bullet-point lists, so we’re completely on board with his email — subject line: “What did you do this week” — to all 2.3 million federal employees telling them to take time out of their work day to write up a self-assessment that included “approx. 5 bullets of what you accomplished last week.” The demand was repeated Monday night, after the deadline for the first list, but offered a second chance to comply, with the warning that failure to respond this time would “result in termination.”
We’re not a government employee, but we’re game:
Dear Special Government Employee™ Musk,
Here’s what we got done last week:
Kept the cats’ food bowl full, although cats complained when portions of the bottom of the bowl were visible on two occasions.
Refrained for laughing at TikTok videos of Tesla Cybertrucks getting stuck in the snow, which — we’ll note — took great effort.
Wrote bulleted list of accomplishments for the week, although considered outsourcing the work to an AI chatbot.
Debated with self whether four bullets would count as “approx. 5.”
Considered which letter of the alphabet we would use to name businesses, products and future offspring and/or pets, since X is taken.
As federal workers do with little appreciation, did our damn job.
No, Mr. President, you may not try on the crown: (Feb. 28) President Trump immediately accepted an invitation from King Charles III to visit Britain for a second state visit. The invitation was delivered by Prime Minister Keir Starmer, who informed Trump that a second visit by a U.S. president with the royal family was “unprecedented.”
French President Emmanuel Macron admitted that the Brits had one-upped France in efforts to curry favor with Trump. “We considered letting him play with a guillotine at the Bastille, but thought better of it when he asked to bring his former vice president along,” said Macron.
Look what the cat dragged in: (March 7) Scientists at a biotech company have used woolly mammoth genes to engineer a mouse that has some of the characteristics of the ancient pachyderm, extinct for 4,000 years, including a thick woolly coat of fur. The ultimate goal is to bring back the mammoth, the scientists said.
Well, at least when it escapes the lab, the stampede of tusked, woolly mice will be cuter than the average pandemic virus.
My own privates, Idaho: (March 28) Idaho Gov. Brad Little has signed into law a bill that criminalizes the public exposure of breasts, including male breasts altered to look like female breasts. The law, charging the crime as a misdemeanor on the first offense and a felony on the second offense, also applies to toys or products that look like male or female genitalia, including “truck nuts,” fake testes that can be hung from a truck’s trailer hitch. The bill takes effect immediately — and we are not making this up, because it’s not in italics — through an emergency clause.
An emergency? The governor’s mother must be visiting next week.
Come on, Opus; pay up: (April 4) Among the global and record-high tariffs imposed this week by President Trump were levies against Australian territorial islands near Antarctica that are uninhabited, except for penguins.
We understand Trump wants to maximize every opportunity for tariff revenue, but you’re not going to get much from a 10 percent tariff on tins of Gorton’s Regurgitated Herring that the penguins import to the United States.
The penguins would like a word, Mr. President: President Trump, contradicting his own trade officials and earlier talking points that the tariffs were final and not a starting point for trade negotiations, told reporters on Air Force One that he would be open to striking deals with individual countries.“The tariffs give us great power to negotiate. They always have,” Trump said.
So, how much of a tariff is charged on flip-flops and waffles?
Speaking of going down the drain: (April 11) In other momentous action this week, President Trump signed an executive order that directs the Department of Energy to rescind regulations — first put in place by President Obama, rescinded by Trump, then rescinded by Biden — that limits the amount of water that flows from shower heads to no more than 2.5 gallons a minute. The low flow of water from shower heads was a common riff during Trump’s campaign rallies. “No longer will shower heads be weak and worthless,” the White House said in a press release.
Nope, the showers are fine now; it’s your 401(k) that’s weak and worthless.
Cell Block H, here she is Kitara! (April 25) George Santos, the former congressman, who was expelled from office for financial misconduct and fabricating countless claims about his background, including his college degrees, star turn on his college volleyball team, his “Jew-ish” heritage, not to mention his cross-dressing alter ego, Kitara Ravanche, was sentenced to more than seven years in prison for wire fraud and identity theft. One of Santos’ lawyers said he planned to seek a pardon from President Trump.
Santos, in his pardon request to Trump, reminded the president that he had donated more than $250 million to his presidential campaign, had cured cancer and was a close personal friend of the late, great Hannibal Lecter.
They said ‘Drain the Swamp’; don’t swim in it! (May 16) Robert F. Kennedy Jr., secretary of Health and Human Services, posted photos of himself and two of his grandchildren taking a dip in a creek at a Northwest Washington, D.C. park, last week, but the creek has long been closed to swimming — even for dogs — by the city because of widespread fecal contamination and high levels of bacteria, including E. coli. The stream receives about 40 million gallons of untreated sewage and storm water overflow each year.
Not to worry. Kennedy was simply taking his grandkids’ immune systems out for some exercise. Along with the swim in sewage-contaminated waters, he took the kids to a chickenpox party, and then out for some raw-milk ice cream cones before picking up some roadkill for a family barbecue that evening.
‘Up next: E. coli, the hot new burger condiment’: (May 16) Fox News host Jesse Watters defended Kennedy’s swim, telling “The View”: “That [creek] looks clean. It doesn’t look like it’s filled with sewage.”
“The View” is brought to you by Watters’ Active Cultures Spring Water, in handy 12-ounce bottles and Petri dishes. “Watters’ Water: It Doesn’t Look Like It’s Filled with Sewage.”
‘I’ll take Legal Latin for $400, Ken’: (May 23) Asked during a Senate hearing to define the legal term “habeas corpus,” Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem reversed the meaning of the term — Latin for the right to appear in court to determine if an arrest and detention are lawful — responded that it referred to the president’s “constitutional right” to deport people.
Noem’s response disqualified her from Final Constitutional Jeopardy but she was presented several lovely parting gifts including a Rolex watch, a trip for one to El Salvador, an all-access pass to CECOT and a year’s supply of Milk Bone dog biscuits. “Milk Bone: Play dead, Rex. Good boy.”
Please return your ID badge and chain saw: (June 6) Just days after receiving a gold key from President Trump in appreciation for his service as the head of DOGE, Musk lashed out at the legislation that encompasses the president’s domestic policy agenda and would add trillions of dollars to the national debt, calling it a “disgusting abomination” that was “massive, outrageous, pork-filled.”
Hearing this, the president perked up and asked: “Did McDonald’s bring back the McRib already?”
That Mona Lisa strangeness in your smile: (June 6) Kim Sajet, the director of the Smithsonian Institution’s National Portrait Gallery is defying President Trump’s attempts to fire her, after calling her a “highly partisan person” and a “strong supporter of DEI.” There’s question as to whether the president has authority to fire Sajet and others at the Smithsonian, because the institution is independent of the executive branch. Sajet is the first women to serve as director of the gallery.
And she’s cagey. Any time a Trump official comes to the gallery to escort her from the building, she quickly grabs an empty portrait frame, stands against a wall, holds the frame in front of her and blends in with other paintings of Great Nasty Women in U.S. History, right between Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Hillary Clinton.
We are not amused: (June 13) President Trump bristled this week when told of the thousands of “No Kings” protests across the country on Saturday, coinciding with his military parade in Washington, D.C., and his 79th birthday. “No, no. We’re not a king,” Trump insisted. “We’re not a king at all, thank you very much.”
At that point, an adviser leaned over to whisper, “Sire, perhaps this isn’t the occasion to use the royal ‘we.’”
Yes, I am throwing away your shots: (June 13) Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr., after removing all 17 members of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s vaccine advisory panel, named eight people he has selected to serve on the committee, which advises the CDC on the use of vaccines and which should ultimately be covered by insurance. Only some of the new panelists are medical doctors, and none have expertise in vaccines.
Also named to the panel was Kennedy’s parasitic brain worm, but the worm will serve only as a nonvoting member; as it has no hand to raise.
Smells like mean spirit: (July 4) President Trump’s latest merch is a line of fragrances for men and women called Victory 45-47, with each bottle priced at $250, more than twice the cost of Chanel No. 5. The Trump Fragrances website says the men’s cologne “blends rich, masculine notes,” while the women’s perfume features a “sophisticated, subtly feminine scent.” A fragrance reviewer called the scents “inoffensive,” “likable” and “office-safe.”
Which would be the first time those descriptions have applied to anything related to Trump.
Does the Illuminati know about this? (July 11) The Environmental Protection Agency has now joined the ranks of the myth-busters and has created two new websites meant to debunk a recent outbreak of conspiracy theories following the Texas floods that “chemtrails” and geoengineering are altering the earth’s weather and climate. Among the leaders of those claims, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, R-Area 51, recently said she planned to introduce legislation that “prohibits the injection, release or dispersion of chemicals or substances into the atmosphere for the express purpose of altering weather, temperature, climate or sunlight intensity. It will be a felony offense.”
“You’ll excuse us, Congresswoman,” remarked Big Oil, “but you know that is our entire business model.”
Would you look at the time? Gotta go: (July 25) After last week declaring that the Epstein material should be released House Speaker Mike Johnson walked back that statement and argued that Trump and his administration “needed space” to decide how to proceed. As a handful of House Republicans joined Democrats to force a procedural vote on calling for release of the files, Johnson cut the week’s legislative business short a day early and sent the House home on its six-week summer vacation, skipping out on scheduled votes that were Republican priorities.
Among vacation plans for Johnson and other Republicans; some time on the beach where they can get away from all the controversy and stick their heads in the sand.
Best. Boss. Evah: (Aug. 1) Remarks by President Trump that attempted to explain why he had a falling out with long-time friend — and later convicted child sex trafficker — Jeffrey Epstein, have angered the family of Virginia Giuffre, who accused Epstein of sexually abusing her as a teenager and died by suicide earlier this year. While he and Epstein were still friends, Trump said this week, Epstein “hired away” spa attendants working at Trump’s Mar-a-Lago, ending the friendship. Asked if Giuffre was a former employee, Trump responded: “I don’t know. I think she worked at the spa. I think so. I think that was one of the people. He stole her. And by the way, she had no complaints about us, as you know, none whatsoever.” Giuffre was 16 when she left Trump’s employ for Epstein’s.
Mr. President, when attempting to distance yourself from a convicted sex trafficker, maybe it’s a bad idea to refer to a teenage girl who worked for you as having been “stolen” from you by said trafficker.
So, we’re no longer calling him “Pootie-Poot”? (Aug. 22) Some additional details into last week’s Alaska summit between President Trump and Russian President Vladimir Putin were learned when documents left in an Anchorage hotel’s printer showed an itinerary, contact numbers for some U.S. officials, a seating chart and the menu for a luncheon that was ultimately canceled when the summit was cut short. The document also provided handy pronunciation guides for some of the Russian officials, including for President “POO-tihn.”
No such help with the Americans’ names was offered, but we’ll oblige: Special Envoy Steve Witkoff (Wit-COUGH), Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick (Nut-LICK) and Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth (SNOW-flake).
You don’t sing me love songs, anymore: (Aug. 22) Users of ChatGPT have complained to its maker, OpenAI, that the chatbot’s most recent update, GPT-5, has become more aloof and less warm and effusive in its responses. One user told The New York Times that the bot showed more interest in his queries and his childhood traumas before the update. But now? “It’s like, ‘OK, here’s your problem, here’s the solution, thank you, goodbye.” OpenAI said while it works on a fix it will restore access to GPT-4o, known for being cloyingly sycophantic, but only to subscribers paying $20 a month.
That tracks; if you want the full Girl Friend Experience, it’s always extra.
Hey, it must be Infrastructure Week, again: (Aug. 22) Along with threatening to send in National Guard troops to the nation’s largest — and bluest — cities to combat crime, President Trump now is promising to fix the roads. “We’re going to replace the medians that are falling down all over the road, we’re going to replace the potholes,” Trump said, continuing: “You shouldn’t have medians falling down into the roadway, median, you know, the metal things that are always, somebody had a great, a great lobbyist, because I’ve never seen them look good. I’ve been looking at these things with the little, right? They’re always broken and bad.”
Guardrails, Mr. President. The word you’re looking for is guardrails. Medians are the strips of land between highways. Guardrails are what are used to keep cars from crossing over medians and into oncoming traffic. But you’ve crashed through so many of democracy’s guardrails that we’re not surprised you’re confused by them.
Do you know how hard it is to get mustard stains off body armor? (Aug. 29) Failing to convince a grand jury to indict him on a felony charge, federal prosecutors reduced the charge to a misdemeanor against a man who threw a submarine sandwich at a federal officer after President Trump sent National Guard troops and federal agents to the nation’s capital in response to the president’s allegation of a crime wave in Washington, D.C.
While the grand jury declined to indict the man arrested for the assault, the jury did, of course, indict the ham sandwich.
Who can forget Thomas Jefferson’s stirring words to “Make America Great Again”? (Sept. 5) A new U.S. history exhibit near the White House, dubbed The Founders Museum as part of the nation’s 250th birthday celebration, features portraits of the 56 signers of the Declaration of Independence and 40 short videos generated by artificial intelligence software and produced by PragerU, a media organization that is known for producing educational content that favors conservative viewpoints. The AI videos are raising concerns for their less-than-historical content, including a wide-eyed and smiling John Adams who intones, “Facts do not care about your feelings,” something that Adams isn’t known to have said but PragerU presenter and political commentator Ben Shapiro has said.
Who needs the Smithsonian museums when you can watch an AI video of Benjamin Franklin solemnly reminding his fellow founding QAnon patriots: “Where we go one, we go all!”?
Dabbing away a wistful tear: (Sept. 12) Oliver North, 81, and Fawn Hall, 66, primary characters in the Iran-Contra scandal of the late 1980s, were married last month, after reconnecting following the death of North’s wife of 56 years. North, a National Security Council staffer for President Reagan was accused of arranging the sale of U.S. weapons to Iran to fund a covert war in Nicaragua. Hall, his secretary, was suspected of destroying relevant documents to protect North.
It’s not too early to consider gifts for the couple’s first anniversary, traditionally the paper anniversary. Perhaps his-and-hers document shredders?
Take my harem, please: (Oct. 10) Some of stand-up comedy’s biggest names — including Bill Burr, Louis C.K., Pete Davidson and Dave Chappelle — appeared at this week’s Riyadh Comedy Festival, bringing American satire to Saudi Arabia as well as the American custom of ignoring uncomfortable associations for a paying gig. Saudi Arabia has been criticized for human rights abuses and mistreatment of women, and a Washington Post writer, Jamal Khashoggi, was killed by Saudi operatives in 2018 following his criticism of the Saudi government. As well, the contract that comedians agreed to forbid certain topics, including making fun of the Saudi royal family.
But good news: All the jokes killed, as did Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman with some pre-festival executions of dissidents.
Headed for a swear jar near you: (Oct. 10) The U.S. Treasury Department is considering production of a $1 coin that features a profile of President Trump’s head on one side and on the other side a depiction of him with a raised fist standing in front of a U.S. flag and the words “Fight, Fight, Fight” above him. The coin was announced with an oddly defensive statement from a Treasury Department spokesperson: “Despite the radical left’s forced shutdown of our government, the facts are clear: Under the historic leadership of President Donald J. Trump, our nation is entering its 250th anniversary stronger, more prosperous, and better than ever before.”
This must be what economists mean when they talk about “propping up a weak dollar.”
Speaking of some area-in messaging (Nov. 7): The federal Department of Labor has launched a social media campaign intended to celebrate American workers with slogans such as “Make America Skilled Again,” “Build Your Homeland’s Future” and “American Workers First.” But each of the posters almost exclusively features AI-generated — thanks, Labor Department — illustrations of white men, many blond and blue-eyed, resembling posters from New Deal-era America but also Nazi Germany. Previous messaging from the department showed a more diverse workforce in gender and race.
Asked for comment, Labor Department spokesman Sgt. Schultz said, “I know nothing. Nnnnothing!”
“Have you seen the bigger piggies in their starched white shirts?” (Nov. 22) President Trump lashed out at two women reporters this week, seeking responses regarding the Jeffrey Esptein files and Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman’s part in the 2018 slaying of a Washington Post opinion writer, blasting ABC’s Mary Bruce for asking “a horrible, insubordinate and terrible question” of Salman, and shutting down Bloomberg’s Catherine Lucey as she asked a follow-up question on the Epstine files with “Quiet. Quiet, piggy.”
After both incidents, White House officials excused Trump’s behavior as his just being “hangry,” and led him to a trough of McDonald’s Extra Value Meals.
Small hands, warm heart: (Nov. 22) During the Oval Office meeting with the Saudi leader, Trump defended the prince against the allegation he had ordered the death of journalist Jamal Khashoggi, with an offhand “things happen.” Instead Trump, mocking Joe Biden who gave MBS a fist bump when they met in 2022, offered a chummier welcome: “Trump doesn’t give a fist pump. I grab that hand. I don’t give a hell where that hand’s been,” Trump said.
We won’t ask where either’s hands have been, but can anyone tell the difference between the blood on MBS’s hands and the ketchup on Trump’s?
Bad news: You’re fired; Good news: Your severance package includes a case of soup: (Nov. 29) A senior executive for Campbell’s has been placed on leave after a lawsuit by a former employee alleged that during a meeting he disparaged the company’s products and said its products were for “poor people,” criticized Indian employees as “idiots” and said the company used “bioengineered meat” in its chicken soup. Campbell’s said the claims about “bioengineered meat” were false.
Making matters even more awkward for the suspended executive, he was assigned to bring the green bean casserole to the family Thanksgiving meal.
Shame he missed out on all the January 6 Choir rehearsals: (Dec.5) After a nearly five-year investigation, the FBI announced the arrest of a suspect in the investigation of two pipe bombs that were planted in front of the Washington, D.C., headquarters of the Republican and Democratic parties on the eve of the Jan. 6, 2021, U.S. Capitol riot.
No motive was discussed, but Attorney General Pam Bondi said charges and prosecution would be expedited so President Trump could quickly grant the failed bomber a pardon.
Email Jon Bauer at jon.bauer@heraldnet.com.
