Well, it is if you’re a reader of The Naked Loon, the Puget Sound region’s version of The Onion.
In today’s report, the Loon reveals the “truth” about the Boeing Co.’s 787 Dreamliner.
The startling truth uncovered by our investigative team is that Boeing has neither designed nor built any airplanes since the mid 1990s.
The newspaper learned this from a file labeled “top secret” and kept in Boeing chief Jim McNerney’s office. The revelation left the publication with one question: how has Boeing been making money when it hasn’t been building jets?
Their conclusion?
[I]t is possible that they are funding the entire company through sales of Boeing branded hats, t-shirts, Lego models, and other merchandise.
We called CEO James McNerney for a comment, but according to his secretary he was unavailable to speak with us because he was going for a swim in his giant vault of money.
This isn’t the first time the Loon has spoofed Boeing. On April Fool’s Day, the newspaper got a dig on the controversial tanker contract suggesting that losing bidder Boeing may build the tanker anyway.
From the April 1 story:
Representative Norm Dicks welcomed the news. “Take that, Europe,” he said. Dicks had been fighting in Congress to have the Air Force reconsider their now-pointless contract.
Although the Boeing plane was beaten by the Airbus / Northrop Grumman plane on every single one of the Air Force’s nine key criteria, it turns out that free is a very good price. “We had decided on the Airbus plane,” explained Air Force Secretary Michael Wynne, “but when Boeing indicated that they were giving away free tankers… you just can’t turn down free.” Wynne compared the situation to choosing between a ten dollar t-shirt you really like and a free shirt with a corporate logo. “You pick the free shirt, duh,” he said.
Speaking of hoaxes, Airbus probably wishes this Bloomberg story was one. It’s no joke: Airbus is valued at “less than zero,” says Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. analyst Joe Campbell.
The New York based aerospace analyst told Bloomberg that the market views the world’s second largest jet maker as “a liability, rather than an asset.”
Toulouse, France-based Airbus has faced a number of troubles: delays in its A380 and A400 programs, resulting in huge profit losses; the weakening dollar versus a strong euro.
The oddest twist to this true tale? Airbus chief Louis Gallois agrees with Campbell.
“He’s right,” Gallois said. “Either you’re getting Airbus free or the other activities are free. In any case, the shares don’t represent the company’s value. Our shares are very linked to the dollar — I’d say too much.”
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