Cops at a shoplifting scene:

“She says the car looks like hers, but it’s not silver enough.”

“Well then someone bought a car and registered it in her name. The car is hers, and I’m looking at a bag with security tags sticking out.”

“He’s 15. He goes by a false name and has a poor attitude.”

“She’s with him right now. They just walked past me and she gave me the stink-eye.”

Dispatcher: “The other driver said if you don’t call 911 I’ll give you cash to fix the car. The caller then said they were going to take the cash and were no longer requesting police.”

“Suspect is female, wearing a black shirt, black skirt, leopard-print heels.”

“He was aloof, but he wasn’t too bad. He’s nice when he doesn’t have anything he’s accused of.”

“Our target at the Lynnwood library is already in custody. He got picked up this morning. We just found out. We can all clear out.”

“Since they’re all intoxicated, you’re obviously going to have to contact parents.”

“It would have been a woman acting crazy, being chased by demons, something like that.”

“They’re here to steal back property that was stolen from them and they want it back no matter the cost.”

“He appears to be on meth and is a known runner.”

“(Caller)’s neighbor was walking around with a rifle and said he was going to jump on the (caller)’s trampoline.”