As young people, they kept silent. There was no one to talk with. Eventually, they could be themselves. They married longtime partners. Yet they never expected what happened Friday, not in their lifetimes.
After the U.S. Supreme Court struck down bans on same-sex marriage nationwide, Howard Voland took to Facebook.
The Maltby man posted a favorite picture of himself and his husband, Keith McGregor, and wrote: “Together 31 years come August. Legally married 28 months in Washington. Today, we are finally legal in Keith’s home state.
“I never thought I’d see the day,” said Voland, 66, whose husband is from Mississippi.
Brenda Newell, who in 2013 married her partner of many years, was overwhelmed by Friday’s ruling.
“It was hard to find words to express it. I have deep gratitude,” said Newell, 51, who lives in Monroe. “If five or 10 years ago somebody had told me this ruling would come down, I didn’t see any possibility.”
The high court sent a powerful message, not only about marriage but of all life’s possibilities. Never again will young people in the United States grow up without hope of marriage, family and stability.
Voland and Newell grew up in the 1950s, ’60s and ’70s. He is a Monroe High School graduate. Newell was raised in Utah and Idaho. There was no talk of gay rights, or even any way to question sexual orientation.
Back then, they couldn’t imagine being able to marry. Voland remembers the briefest mention from his father. He said his dad told him, “You don’t want to be a pansy or a queer.”
“There was simply no place to go. You dared not speak it,” said Voland, who is program coordinator of Snohomish County Extension Master Gardeners. “The progressive thing back then, the liberal view, was that it was a mental illness.”
During her upbringing in a religious home, Newell only heard the word “homosexual” — and it was clearly a negative. “There wasn’t anyone in my life who was out and visible in terms of who they were,” she said.
In her mid-20s, after moving to the Puget Sound area, her awareness and openness grew. Coming out wasn’t a one-time process. “I had to go through that on a repeated basis, with each new friendship, each new job,” she said. Would she be open about her partner, or call her a roommate? “It brings such stress,” she said.
Despite the cultural changes, Newell knows it’s still hard for young people to accept who they are. For years, she has been involved with GLOBE, a group that serves gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and questioning teens in Snohomish County.
Now affiliated with Everett/Snohomish PFLAG (Parents &Friends of Lesbians and Gays), GLOBE was started in 1993. An acronym for GLBTQ Loving Ourselves, Becoming Empowered, it was first part of a Snohomish Health District HIV prevention program. After its funding ended, it became a nonprofit in 2007.
Newell and David Bayless are coordinators of GLOBE, which holds weekly meetings attended by about 40 kids. Among the adult volunteers are several former GLOBE members.
A clinical social worker, Newell also has a counseling practice. “I see youths 14, 15, 16 years old who are really struggling. They feel they’re the only one,” she said. Kids are depressed, bullied or just afraid of being different. “We still see a significant increase in suicide rates for youth addressing sexual orientation or gender identity,” Newell said.
Sometimes even well-meaning parents aren’t helpful. “The hope from parents is that this is just a phase,” Newell said. Hearing someone say it’s a phase, kids get “another message of shame, that there’s something wrong with you,” Newell said.
The GLOBE support group gives another message: “You can be happy and healthy and LGBTQ,” Newell said. She’s glad young people are now seeing pictures of weddings, rainbow flags and other signs of support. “It’s so powerful, they see it can be a celebratory experience.”
Several years ago, Voland spoke to a Gay Straight Alliance Club at Monroe High School. “For kids today it’s so much different, but they were still terrified in a way,” he said. “They still felt isolated, even among themselves.” Coming out is “a huge step,” said Voland, noting that there is no such thing for heterosexuals.
Having the marriage question decided once and for all means not only equality for couples, but hope for young people.
“Regardless of who we are, who our partners are, our relationships can be legally honored through marriage,” Newell said.
Julie Muhlstein: 425-339-3460; jmuhlstein@heraldnet.com.
Teen support
GLOBE is a support group and nonprofit organization serving gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and questioning teens in Snohomish County. Information: www.globeyouth.com
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