Let’s start Monday by writing a sentence using only the names of Triple Crown winners, and one wannbe: I’ll Have Another Seattle Slew, Secretariet Affirmed. Drink up while we horse around with the headlines.
•”Lost parakeet tells Japanese police its home address”: The bird flew into a hotel and landed on a guest. Police were called and took the baby-blue budgie to jail, where it sat for three days, invoking its right to remain silent. Then it suddenly blurted out its address, down to the block and house number.
So the police gave the parakeet its one phone call. Not really. So the cops gave it a few yen and told it to catch a cab home. Kidding. So the cops called the bird’s 64-year-old owner who said Polly had run away from home after being punished for ordering a pizza to be delivered without permission one too many times.
•”Parents get more options to control kid phones”: And if you ask your children very nicely, they might show you how to operate the options.
”WSU opening football game moved to Thursday”: Ah, the traditional Thursday night season opener. The Cougars’ game against Brigham Young University was originally scheduled for Sept 1. But nothing trumps tradition like a call from ESPN saying we’d love to broadcast your game nationally … on Thursday night, Aug. 30.
Apparently it’s the lure of WSU’s new coach, Mike Leach, that has piqued ESPN’s interest. The network also rescheduled Wazzu’s third game, at Nevada-Las Vegas, from a Saturday to a Friday night game on Sept. 14. Of course, most supporters think national exposure on ESPN is worth changing your schedule for. So the heck with tradition.
The fact that Leach is suing ESPN for libel and defamation over reports of his firing at Texas Tech, even as he woos the network and rejiggers the schedule for them, just makes the crazy come full circle. Go, Cougs.
•”Communities start to fine for texting and walking”: In Fort Lee, N.J., police began issuing $85 fines for careless walking, and the Utah Transit Authority made distracted walking around trains punishable by a $50 fine. In Delaware, a proactive solution is sought with the placing of 100 large stickers with the words “LOOK UP” on sidewalks near crosswalks. Research from Ohio State University showed cellphone use by pedestrians led to more than 1,000 emergency-room visits nationwide in 2008.
Inmate No. 1: “Whatcha in for?” Inmate No. 2: “Careless walking.”
Have a happy Monday. Practice careful walking. And careful talking. No careless texting or tweeting or parakeeting.