Fast food selling the sauce

Happy Independence Day. Let’s light the fuse on some headlines. (Just like fireworks, snakes and duds lurk among the sparkly ones.)

•”Sonic, Burger King, other fast-food chains selling alcohol“: Would you like to Supersize that Schlitz? Oh, wrong company. Burger King recently opened “Whopper Bars” in Miami, Kansas City and Las Vegas that serve beer. What, no Crown Royal on tap at Burger King? (Or Dairy Queen?)

Other ideas under fermentation: Jack Daniels in a Box, Wendy’s Wicked Lemonade, McDonald’s McFuzzy Navel, KFC’s deep-fried whiskey balls, Taco Bell’s cheesy tequila sauce.

Starbucks is also getting in on the act, USA Today reports, by selling beer and wine at some of its Seattle stores. Because conquering one beverage universe is not enough. A grande Annie Green Springs with whip, to go, please.

•”Auto dealers say 56-mpg goal can’t be hit by 2025“: What’s that saying? Popular with coaches and other motivators. That’s right: “Can’t” means “won’t.”

Pope tweets for the first time“: At 140 characters, the shortest papal message in all of history. Using an iPad, Pope Benedict, 84, and celebrating the 60th anniversary of his ordination, launched the portal which puts together information from the Vatican’s print, online, radio and television media. Pope Benedict then tweeted the announcement of the site.

He then followed up with another tweet confirming that it was, in fact, really the pontiff on Twitter — unlike the various incarnations of the “Flying Nun” who have taken to tweeting.

What if today’s technology had been available during major moments in religious history?

— After smashing the original stone version in anger, Moses comes back with a couple of iTablets.

— The three wise men are delayed after their camels’ GPS tells them to turn into the Jordan River.

— Joseph Smith writes the eBook of Mormon.

— The Buddha reveals the Four Noble Netbook Truths, which include smartphone suffering and Blackberry craving.

•”Give your electronics an enticing aroma“: A company called ESI Cases sells scented covers to protect the iPhone 4, iPod touch, iPod Nano and the Blackberry, USA Today reported. The cases are available in five scents: Licorice, Blueberry, Very Cherry, Strawberry Cheesecake and Berry Blue.

Ah, the long-awaited Smellphone. Because annoying others with your loud mobile phone conversation isn’t enough. What’s an aural assault without an accompanying olfactory offensive? Stinky Mobile meets all your phone needs, whether your tweets are sweet or sour.

Just think, your ringtone could be a song by Meatloaf, and your phone case could smell like meatloaf. And/or Burger King beer.

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