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February 12  |  
If he's elected, it will be die: A 50-minute mock documentary called "Donald Trump's The Art of the Deal: The Movie" is streaming on the Funny Or Die website. It's styled as Trump's long-lost movie version of his 1980s business advice book.

Johnny Depp plays The Donald. There is absolutely no truth to the rumor...

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February 11  |  
Silicon idiot!Baby, you can drive my car: Taking another step toward allowing autonomous cars on the nation’s highways, the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration has agreed to Google’s request to consider the computers that control the cars to be “drivers,” just like humans (Page A6).The good news is that now that they’re “drivers” we have the government’s approval to yell obscenities and flip the bird at inanimate objects that can’t retaliate.

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February 10  |  
Did she have a half-off coupon? Red Lobster says it believes Beyonce's release of the song "Formation," in which the diva says she took a man to Red Lobster after sex, may be why the value-priced seafood chain's sales surged by 33 percent on Sunday.

Red Lobster? Really? Wow, Spotify really must be cutting into recording artists' income.





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February 9  |  
I, candidate: New Hampshire voters will cast their ballots today in the state's presidential primary, in which Republican Donald Trump and Democrat Bernie Sanders are expected to make strong showings.

Republican Marco Rubio, meanwhile, was hoping the infinite nesting loop error that marred his performance in Saturday's debate didn't hurt his standing with voters. Asked about the incident, the Floridian said he was "feeling very positronic"...

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February 8  |  Jon Bauer, Herald staff
Importing Portland: Support is growing for a proposal to end self-service gas pumps in this state, requiring station attendants to pump gas, as is the law in Oregon.

Sure. That's where it starts, with innocuous ideas like other people pumping your gas. But next thing you know it's craft brews and quinoa and ironic facial hair. Before you know it they've take away our sales tax and...

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February 6  |  
Gently used

Push, pull or drag it in: For the first time, Apple is accepting banged-up iPhones as trade-ins for folks wanting to upgrade. Cupertino will pay up to $350 for late-model phones without cracked screens or broken buttons, and up to $200 for damaged late-model phones.

No word on how much you might get for a phone you dropped in the toilet.





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February 5  |  
For better pharma laws, that is: Pharmaceutical chief Martin Shkreli, the guy who jacked up the price of a lifesaving drug by about 5,000 percent because he could, took the Fifth Amendment before lawmakers Thursday, smirking at their questions and later calling them "imbeciles" on Twitter.

In a rare display of bipartisanship, Republicans and Democrats agreed that Shkreli possesses the most punchable face they've seen since Ted Cruz left town...

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February 4  |  Jon Bauer, Herald staff
How do you milk an almond? Ben & Jerry's, the makers of Chunky Monkey and other premium ice cream flavors, now is offering a nondairy frozen dessert made with vegan almond milk.

Ben & Jerry's stuck with four of its traditional flavors, but did consider some new names, including Utterly Udderless, Hold the Holstein and Chubby and Lactose Intolerant Hubby.

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February 3  |  
Pharma karmaIs there a doctor in the House? Congress is investigating how drug companies have bought the rights to medications, then increased the prices by as much as 5,000 percent, as was the case of Turing CEO Martin Shkreli. Shkreli and others are expected to testify during a House committee hearing this week (Page A9).Along with questioning the pharmaceutical executives, we suggest committee members also administer colonoscopies, just to be thorough.

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February 2  |  
Huckabee as Arnold Ziffel? There were no shortage of winners at the Iowa caucuses Monday, with Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders all more or less declaring victory. Meanwhile, Donald Trump delivered a gracious concession speech in which he mused about returning to Iowa to buy a farm.

Hey, that's the perfect next gig for The Donald — a "Green Acres" reboot.

Pass the honey-roasted peanuts: After years of austere conditions that...

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February 1  |  
But not for much longer: Actual voting in the presidential primary process finally happens today, with the Iowa Republican and Democratic caucuses. Will Donald Trump dominate the GOP field? Will Hillary Clinton hold off Bernie Sanders? Time will tell.

However, one thing is for sure: After today, we can go back to not caring about Iowa for another four years.

I call shotgun: Cars need at least three occupants in order to avoid tolls on the I-405 carpool lanes...

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January 30  |  
On the other hand, you could fit a lot of nuclear bombs in one of those things: Striving to keep up with the Joneses next door in the United Arab Emirates, Iran has ordered 12 Airbus A380 superjumbo airliners. The deal was made possible by the recent lifting of economic sanctions against Iran, since more than 10...

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January 29  |  
Betcha she'll still love shopping: Mattel will soon begin selling Barbie dolls with three body types — Curvy, Tall and Petite. Also available will be seven skin tones, 22 eye colors and 24 hairstyles.

Original Barbie will also be available, in just one classic type: Body Not Found in Nature That Creates Unrealistic Expectations for Girls.





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January 28  |  Jon Bauer, Herald staff
Do not pass Go: Computer scientists have written a program that has beaten a human champion in the ancient Chinese board game of Go. The strategic game is seen as more challenging to play than chess, and its mastery is considered a milestone for artificial intelligence.

But one pinnacle achievement remains to be conquered: Building a computer that doesn't get bored after 20 minutes of Monopoly.



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January 27  |  Jon Bauer, Herald staff
Better check the bananas: A science class at a New Jersey elementary school has adopted a 3-inch green anole lizard that a kindergartner discovered in her salad after it had been refrigerated for days.

The White House later denied a Fox News report that the lizard was Michelle Obama's plan to boost the organic protein content of school lunches.

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January 26  |  Jon Bauer, Herald staff
Dino with the frills on top: Paleontologists are theorizing that some dinosaurs had those cumbersome horns and frills in order to attract mates. The protrusions grew larger as dinosaurs aged so they could more easily signal potential mates.

Thanks to evolution, the signaling function continues today as aging humans deploy little red sports cars, boob jobs and toupees.

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January 25  |  Jon Bauer, Herald staff
It's a gas, gas, gas: The Herald's Street Smarts column checked the GasBuddy website and found that Costco and Fred Meyer typically offer the cheapest gas prices in the state. While the price of oil is keeping gas prices low, it's also blamed for recent stock market losses.

Our advice: The next time you're tempted to check your 401(k) balance, check GasBuddy instead.

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January 23  |  
It's wigs on the green: The National Review, the conservative political magazine, has launched a full-scale assault on Donald Trump, calling the reality TV star "a mistake for the Republican Party" and questioning his conservative credentials. As is his wont, Trump fired back with a series of tweeted insults.

It may prove to be a bad business decision if the entire "Duck Dynasty" family follows through on their threat to cancel...

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January 22  |  
Red cup runneth over: Starbucks' sales jumped 9 percent over the holidays, despite online protests that the minimalist red design of the coffee giant's holiday cups was a declaration of war on Christmas.

Starbucks customers obviously were OK with the cups, but a War on Chai Pumpkin Spice could get very ugly indeed.

Somebody's got to do it: Data scientist — which involves analyzing data for corporations — is the best...

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January 21  |  
Not you, Pluto: Scientists say they have solid evidence of a ninth planet in our solar system: a Neptune-like gas giant floating out there in deep space.

With the discovery, it might be time to assign a new name to spurned ex-planet Pluto. The Buzz nominates Chopped Liver.

Make school lunches great again: A Senate committee Wednesday approved legislation that would ease requirements for healthier school lunches. School lunch...

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January 20  |  
Dare to dreamShort-list? Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, who served as the Republican vice presidential nominee in 2008, announced she is endorsing Donald Trump’s presidential campaign (Page A8).If the prospect of a Trump-Palin dream team doesn’t draw former “Daily Show” host Jon Stewart out of retirement, nothing will.

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January 19  |  Jon Bauer, Herald staff
You can check out any time you like: Eagles co-founder Glenn Frey, responsible for "Hotel California, " "Life in the Fast Lane" and other 1970s hits died Monday in New York at 67. Frey's death follows that of British rock star David Bowie the week before.

We'd happily make a bet as to whether Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift will warrant a newspaper obit in 40 to...

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January 18  |  
Great 30 minutes of football: After trailing 31-0 at halftime, the Seahawks came roaring back but fell short Sunday, with a season-ending 31-24 loss to Carolina.

The first half was so ugly that longtime Seahawk fans could have sworn they were watching Rick Mirer taking snaps and Tom Flores on the sidelines.

Good to go — at least you were: Drivers can now check toll rates for the I-405 express lanes on the Web, thanks to a new state website. The thing is,...

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January 16  |  Jon Bauer, Herald staff
Maybe it'd be better to brown bag it? Chipolte Mexican Grill, following E. coli outbreaks in Washington state and Oregon, will close all its U.S. stores for part of the day on Feb. 8 so employees can attend team meetings on food safety.

That's a smart step, but is it really a good idea to have Taco Bell cater lunch for Chipolte employees?

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January 15  |  
Somebody had to win it: The nation was waiting Thursday for any sign of the three lucky duckies in Tennessee, Florida and California who beat the odds and won the world-record $1.6 billion Powerball jackpot.

The Buzz has just six words to say to these fine folks: "Howdy, cousins! Long time, no see!"





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January 14  |  
Lego my free expression: Reversing an earlier decision, Lego will allow a bulk shipment of its bricks to a Chinese artist who plans to use them in projects with political themes. People who display their creations in public will be asked to make clear that Lego does not support or endorse them.

Left unanswered, however, is every parent's most pressing question about Legos: Will the artists pick these things up and put them away when they're done playing...

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January 13  |  Jon Bauer, Herald staff
And bring some snacks: Strong sales for the Powerball lottery have driven its jackpot for tonight's drawing to an estimated $1.5 billion, and the record prize may go even higher.

Along with the $1.5 billion, the winner will be granted most-favored-nation trade status and is expected Friday for bridge night with Bill Gates and Warren Buffett.

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January 12  |  Jon Bauer, Herald staff
Dead Man Walking II: Mexican authorities say they used contacts among escaped drug lord Joaquin "El Chapo" Guzman, a Mexican actress and actor Sean Penn to track down Guzman and re-arrest him. Penn, who interviewed Guzman for Rolling Stone magazine, said he had nothing to hide following news that Mexican surveillance of him may had aided the fugitive's arrest

Rolling...

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January 11  |  
Seahawks win Gravedigger's Shovel Bowl: Seattle advanced to the second round of the NFL playoffs Sunday with an improbable 10-9 win in subzero temperatures in Minneapolis.

After they regained their ability to breathe, Hawks fans realized what Lady Luck had just handed them, and headed to the nearest Quickee Mart to buy Powerball tickets.

Winner gets most-favored nation status: The Powerball jackpot for Wednesday's drawing is...

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January 9  |  
Ham on wryMy baloney has a second name; it’s T, R, U, M, P: Workers at a Vermont deli near where Donald Trump appeared at a campaign rally say they didn’t sell any of the sandwich specials that were created in his honor. The sandwich — bologna on white bread with American cheese, lettuce, tomato, bacon and mustard — was on the menu for $20.16 (Page Ax).Maybe they should have included a soft drink with it; it’s hard to swallow even a little bit of Trump’s baloney.

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