So long, Twinkie

So long, Twinkie

We hardly knew ye: Hostess Brands, the maker of Twinkies, Ding Dongs and Wonder Bread, announced it would shut down its bakeries and liquidate after it was unable to reach a deal with its workers’ union. The move put 18,500 people out of work and left Americans scrambling to buy up remaining Ho Hos.

The loss meant families who relied on Wonder Bread will have find something else as tasteless to use as a kitchen sponge. And funeral homes will have to obtain a new source of embalming chemicals other than the creme filling of Twinkies.

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Taking a pass on the East German meatballs: Swedish furniture maker IKEA has expressed regret that some 25 to 30 years ago it benefited from the use of forced prison labor by suppliers in communist East Germany.

This explains why East Germans were able to dismantle the Berlin Wall in 1989 using only hex keys and rubber mallets.

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Low-hanging fruit: Election officials in Guayaquil, Ecuador, have refused to accept a jackass as a candidate for the legislature. Even though he wore a tire, Mr. Burro was turned away at the door.

Since when has Ecuador had a higher standard for public office than the United States?

—Jon Bauer, Herald staff