Overheard on the police beat

“We’ll probably seize the money and the brass knuckles too.”

“They said a guy with glasses put a bunch of cigars in his pocket.”

“I don’t know if somebody lives there or if they were ditching me, but I couldn’t follow them because I had another call.”

“… 19-year-old male with a cut finger … keeps trying to get onto a bicycle but is falling off. Patient appears to be very (drunk). Patient appears to still be there. (Caller) was not comfortable asking him to stay.”

“Male has gasoline in his ear, occurred while he was changing the oil filter.”

“I was nice to him when he came by. I didn’t know he was the local drug dealer.”

“They’re real scruffy, and they ride back and forth on their bicycles.”

“(Suspect) is a conspiracy-theory type. She’s gonna be a regular. The dispatcher said the other jurisdiction had her arrested.”

“He was hanging out with that weird guy who hangs out in the van who looks like Weird Al.”

“He used to be quasi-normal, probably 10 years ago, when we first started having to deal with him.”

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