Amazon recommends octocopters for all

So Jeff Bezos wants to use Amazon drones to deliver your purchase to you in 30 minutes. Gosh, won’t it be nice to have those buzzing around. As the song goes, “The droniest skies you’ve ever seen are in Seattle…”

Are people really complaining that same-day or next-day delivery is too slow? Gratification can’t get much more instant. Or is just that Bezos is “Full of dreams to last the years, in Seattle/ … in Seattle!”

Will Amazon drones guarantee a pinpoint, Christmas Eve down-the-chimney delivery? Or will the general area have to suffice? (“Betsy, it looks like Santa left your present in the Koi pond…”) How long before people lob brick and mortar at Amazon drones? (It would be fun to see a drone tripped up by something old-fashioned, like a clothesline.)

Let’s review the headlines, “Full of hopes an’ full of fears, full of laughter, full of tears”:

•”RV industry shows more signs of recovery” and “RVs are one answer to soaring New York rent”: Kind of a classic good news/bad news situation. But the real question, of course, is can Amazon drones deliver to RVs?

Seahawks fans caused small quake during Saints game”: Good thing “tempting fate” is just superstitious nonsense, or a city that is in line for a major earthquake might think twice about causing a small one at a sports stadium.

Speaking of which, they sure don’t make disaster movies like use to. (“Black Sunday Octocopter Earthquake!” could be a about a deadly drone headed for a crowded football stadium when an earthquake strikes.)

•”Steve Sarkisian apologizes for misleading comments about USC interview”: Answering during a radio interview, Sarkisian said he hadn’t interviewed for the job, the day before he announced he was taking the job. Here’s his “apology”:

“I’m sorry if my message got misconstrued, but it really was in the best interest of the young men,” Sarkisian said. “Hindsight’s 20-20. I probably should have said it was an interview. Semantics are semantics. If I could do it all over again, I probably would have just said exactly what the conversation was that Pat (Haden) and I had.”

Semantics are semantics. That’s beautiful. No means no, and yes means yes. He said he didn’t interview, when in fact, he did.

Not to worry. Message fully received, coach.

•”Seattle ferry theft raises security questions”: One would certainly hope so.

“Why would anyone steal an enormous passenger ferry?” To get to the other side?

McDonald’s to workers: Don’t forget to tip pool boy”: Such holiday tips were available on an employee resource website, until they were taken down. Apparently someone failed to distinguish between corporate employees and store workers. On the other hand, other helpful budget nuggets included suggestions that employees get a second job and sell their stuff to raise extra cash. McDonald’s, no doubt, is sorry it’s messaged got misconstrued.

2,000 people raced in Chicago dressed as Mike Ditka”: It was the first ever Chicago Ditka Dash 5k. What a fun idea. Throw on a fake bushy mustache and voila, you’re da coach. Ditka, of course, is the legendary former coach of a certain team … known as Da Bears.

If a similar Pete Carroll run were held in Seattle, would people stuff their mouths full of gum, and run up and down the race course, cheering everyone on? Giving hugs and high fives?

As Charo would say, don’t let your message get misconscrued this week.

More in Opinion

Editorial cartoons for Tuesday, Dec. 12

A sketchy look at the day in politics.… Continue reading

Robinson: Black reporter of civil rights era an inspiration

If Simeon Booker could brave lynch mobs, today’s reporters can withstand Trump’s tweets.

Saunders: Nothing sacred in a year-old designation of monument

Why shouldn’t Trump be able to undo what Obama created just a year ago by executive order?

Harrop: Give president credit for good economy; thanks, Obama

The economy’s gains during Trump’s first year have benefited mostly from the inertia of Obama’s terms.

Other voices: Let states lower Medicaid prescription drug prices

If Congress won’t take action to lower prescription drug prices, allow the states to take the lead.

Welcome home to the sailors of Kidd and Shoup

What a beautiful and inspiring picture on the front page of the… Continue reading

How can sexual harassment fund in Congress be kept secret?

How can Congress justify making secret payments to settle claims of sexual… Continue reading

Editorial cartoons for Monday, Dec. 11

A sketchy look at the day in politics.… Continue reading

Editorial: Yet another owner for The Everett Clinic

After its brief time with DaVita, uncertainty returns for the clinic with its sale to an insurer.

Most Read