Dare to dream really bad ‘Shark Tank’ ideas

Wouldn’t it be fun if all workplaces held “spring training” (in a warm locale)? No? Oh, well. Back to the “Shark Tank” bad idea drawing board. Let’s take some batting practice with the headlines:

Seahawks will extend Carroll’s contract”: Really? Sticking with the first coach to take the team to the Super Bowl and win … Isn’t that kind of risky?

Sherman Alexie novel banned in Meridian, Idaho”: We can count on this perennial censorship from certain quarters, so thank you to them, it’s generally always good for book sales, and getting kids interested in reading. (Kind of a subversive shark strategy.)

When NCAA needs leadership, Mark Emmert takes a low profile”: Well, when you make $1.7 million a year, plus other benefits, it’s important to delegate. It would be great to have Emmert appear before the real “Shark Tank” folks, and have him describe his duties, and defend his salary. Among other things. Hey, a guppy can dream.

Human antidepressants making shrimp too calm”: That is so sad. Blase shrimp get eaten by predators. Will the antidepressants work their way up the food chain, until even the sharks are like, whatever, and just go through the chomping motions?

Tax the Childless: We should slash taxes on parents by jacking them up for nonparents”: Ever notice how some words trigger your inner piranha? Such as “tax,” “slash,” and “jack them up.”

Scientists solve mystery of why zebras have stripes”: Because they are simply elegant and always in style, reports researcher Ralph Lauren. No mystery.

Study: Cereal characters lure kiddies with eye gaze”: They apparently hyp-no-tize little ones, or something: “Demand the cereal or throw a tantrum; demand the cereal or throw a tantrum, etc.) So beware the cereal aisle, with sugared-up Cap’n Crunch trying to enlist your child, not mention the leprechaun peddling his “magically delicious” sugar mixture. (Don’t talk to strangers, and don’t make eye contact with cereal characters…)

Speaking of Lucky Charms, General Mills is celebrating the cereal’s 50th anniversary with special promotions this year, culminating on St. Patrick’s Day. Because marshmallow green clovers, pink hearts, orange stars, and yellow moons are a traditional Irish dish, after all.

(Rice Krispies are even older; marketed and sold by Kellogg’s starting in 1927. So when the cereal’s three elfin characters now say “Snap, crackle and pop,” it refers to getting out of bed, and a chair, and up the stairs, etc.)

How many portions of fruit and vegetables are we eating?”: Well, it depends, do french fries, onion rings and ketchup count as two or three servings? And what about Froot Loops?

Remember those big Shredded Wheat biscuits that looked like baled hay? Wonder what those taste like. Have a nutritionally sound week.

Carol MacPherson: 425-339-3472, cmacpherson@heraldnet.com

Talk to us

> Give us your news tips.

> Send us a letter to the editor.

> More Herald contact information.

More in Opinion

toon
Editorial cartoons for Monday, June 30

A sketchy look at the news of the day.… Continue reading

Alaina Livingston, a 4th grade teacher at Silver Furs Elementary, receives her Johnson & Johnson COVID-19 vaccine at a vaccination clinic for Everett School District teachers and staff at Evergreen Middle School on Saturday, March 6, 2021 in Everett, Wa. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
Editorial: RFK Jr., CDC panel pose threat to vaccine access

Pharmacies following newly changed CDC guidelines may restrict access to vaccines for some patients.

Comment: Does it matter if U.S. strike on Iran was lawful?

In international and domestic law, the question may never get a clear verdict. The bigger question: Was it wise?

Comment: Justice Department’s Bove unfit for appellate court

The former Trump attorney’s record of animosity toward the courts disqualifies him as a 3rd Circuit judge.

Protesters should police behavior to maintain peace

Protesters need a police force. Not the police A police force. A… Continue reading

Trump’s Cabinet seems devoid of intellect

Something has come to mind; watching the many misadventures, lies, etc. of… Continue reading

FILE — Secretary of Health and Human Services Robert F. Kennedy arrives to testify on Capitol Hill in Washington, May 14, 2025. After firing an influential panel that sets U.S. vaccine policies, some of Kennedy’s picks to replace them have filed statements in court flagging concerns about vaccines. (Haiyun Jiang/The New York Times)
Comment: What RFK Jr. gets wrong on vaccine safety

Hundreds of studies on vaccines and their safety fact-check the HHS secretary’s false claims.

Making adjustments to keep Social Security solvent represents only one of the issues confronting Congress. It could also correct outdated aspects of a program that serves nearly 90 percent of Americans over 65. (Stephen Savage/The New York Times) -- NO SALES; FOR EDITORIAL USE ONLY WITH NYT STORY SLUGGED SCI SOCIAL SECURITY BY PAULA SPAN FOR NOV. 26, 2018. ALL OTHER USE PROHIBITED.
Editorial: Congress must act on Social Security’s solvency

That some workers are weighing early retirement and reduced benefits should bother members of Congress.

In this Sept. 2017, photo made with a drone, a young resident killer whale chases a chinook salmon in the Salish Sea near San Juan Island, Wash. The photo, made under a National Marine Fisheries Service (NMFS) permit, which gives researchers permission to approach the animals, was made in collaboration with NOAA Fisheries/Southwest Fisheries Science Center, SR3 Sealife Response, Rehabilitation, and Research and the Vancouver Aquarium's Coastal Ocean Research Institute. Endangered Puget Sound orcas that feed on chinook salmon face more competition from seals, sea lions and other killer whales than from commercial and recreational fishermen, a new study finds. (John Durban/NOAA Fisheries/Southwest Fisheries Science Center via AP)
Editorial: A loss for Northwest tribes, salmon and energy

The White House’s scuttling of the Columbia Basin pact returns uncertainty to salmon survival.

Goldberg: Mission not accomplished, but tensions have eased

The damage done to Iran’s nuclear capability isn’t clear, but its intention to build a bomb remains.

Where do I send my traffic ticket when I can’t renew my license?

I spent three hours this morning attempting to renew my driver’s license,… Continue reading

Comment: Your 6 cents will make sense to keep county moving

A 6-cent-a-gallon gas tax increase will fund road projects and maintenance and keep our economy strong.

Support local journalism

If you value local news, make a gift now to support the trusted journalism you get in The Daily Herald. Donations processed in this system are not tax deductible.