Song, dance always good for what ails you

As if flu season wasn’t enough to contend with, four out of five cyberchondriacs agree that these lesser maladies can strike this weekend: 1. Seahawk withdrawal. Saturday’s playoff game is so far away. The antidote: Listen to the Carly Simon’s “Anticipation” while watching the other playoff games. Emulate the team’s confidence. Practice walking into your playoff game party like you were walking onto a yacht/Your hat strategically dipped below one eye/Your scarf it was rave green. Oops. Wrong team.

2. Christmas Lights Takedown-Meltdown Syndrome. All of the frustration one experiences trying to put them up, but without any of the fun anticipation. Symptoms include watching football, or a “Downton Abbey” marathon, instead of taking down the lights. Long-term effects include the mock-surprise discovery of a box of mangled and tangled lights next December.

3. Self-Appointed-Boeing-Analyst Disease. The fix is easy, but hard for many to swallow: Be quiet. Or tell it to the Christmas lights as you take them down. Try cranking up Earth, Wind and Fire’s “Let’s Groove” and really belt out the part that goes: Just move yourself/And glide like a 747/And you lose yourself in the sky/Among the clouds in the Heaven.

Let this groove get us to move through the headlines:

•”Wal-Mart recalls Chinese donkey meat”: DNA testing showed traces of fox meat in the donkey meat, considered a delicacy in some parts of China. Wal-Mart is thinking of taking legal action against the supplier, who insisted this could be a happy, Reeses Peanut Butter Cup type of happy accident: “You got your fox meat in my donkey meat!” “No, you got your donkey meat in my fox meat.” “Hey… Mmmmmmm.”

Meanwhile, Washington’s geoduck industry is reeling from China’s sudden ban on geoduck imports, another delicacy. But only in China. Which accounts for about 90 percent of geoduck exports from the state. Despite tests demonstrating otherwise, China says the shellfish contain high level of toxins, and foxins. Hmm. Could it be lack of oxygen in China’s toxic air that is the real problem? (“You got your geoduck in my donkey-fox meat!” “No…”)

•”Study: Top college leaders remain white, male”: University of Central Florida’s Diversity and Ethics in Sport research found that for the 2013-14 academic year, 88.8 percent of university presidents, 84.8 percent of athletic directors and 100 percent of conference commissioners are white. (And that’s not counting the NCAA organization, headed by $1.6 million-a-year president Mark Emmert.) The study’s author, Richard Lapchick, called the numbers “unacceptable” and said part of the problem falls on the lack of penalties for institutions that aren’t more diverse. In June, Sports Illustrated reported that under Emmert, the NCAA enforcement division has gone from “bad to worse.” So there you have it.

100-million-year old amber fossil preserves ancient flowers caught in the middle of sexual reproduction”: But the highly embarrassed plant, newly identified as micropetasos burmensis, swore it had carefully erased its entire history from its hard drive, or “stamen.” (“Hey, you got your pollen on my stigma…”)

When someone sneezes this week, say “geoduck!” instead of “gesundheit!”

Carol MacPherson: 425-339-3472, cmacpherson@heraldnet.com

Talk to us

> Give us your news tips.

> Send us a letter to the editor.

> More Herald contact information.

More in Opinion

toon
Editorial cartoons for Thursday, July 10

A sketchy look at the news of the day.… Continue reading

2024 Presidential Election Day Symbolic Elements.
Editorial: Retain Escamilla, Binda on Lynnwood City Council

Escamilla was appointed a year ago. Binda is serving his first term.

Blame Democrats’ taxes, rules for out-of-state ferry contract

Gov. Bob Ferguson should be ashamed of the hypocrisy shown by choosing… Continue reading

Letter used too broad a brush against Democrats

In response to a recent letter to the editor, this Democrat admits… Continue reading

Kristof: Women’s rights effort has work to do in Africa, elsewhere

Girls in Sierra Leone will sell themselves to pay for school. The feminist movement has looked away.

French: Supreme Court hits a vile industry with its comeuppance

While disagreeing on the best test, the justices agreed on the threat that porn poses to children.

Comment: When ‘politically correct’ becomes ‘Trump approved’

Companies and reporters are seeing the consequences of using words the president doesn’t approve of.

toon
Editorial cartoons for Wednesday, July 9

A sketchy look at the news of the day.… Continue reading

A Volunteers of America Western Washington crisis counselor talks with somebody on the phone Thursday, July 28, 2022, in at the VOA Behavioral Health Crisis Call Center in Everett, Washington. (Ryan Berry / The Herald)
Editorial: Dire results will follow end of LGBTQ+ crisis line

The Trump administration will end funding for a 988 line that serves youths in the LGBTQ+ community.

Welch: A plan to supply drugs to addicts is a dangerous dance

A state panel’s plan to create a ‘safer supply’ of drugs is the wrong path to addiction recovery.

Douthat: Conservatives sacrificed own goals to pay for tax cuts

Along with its cuts to Medicaid, long-held GOP priorities were ignored in the Big Beautiful Bill.

Comment: Supreme Court porn ruling a naked change to speech rights

The majority ignored a 20-year-old ruling that overturned an age-verification law similar to the Texas law.

Support local journalism

If you value local news, make a gift now to support the trusted journalism you get in The Daily Herald. Donations processed in this system are not tax deductible.