For many there may be a tinge of unease to this particular Martin Luther King Jr. Day.

Violent and fatal confrontations between black men and police in Missouri and New York were followed by sometimes-peaceful but too-often-violent protests as communities and the rest of the nation split on whether justice had been served when grand juries excused the officers involved.

Amid the shouts of “black lives matter” and “police lives matter” were familiar calls for a national conversation on race and action on inequality, justice and opportunity.

During previous King holidays we could focus our attention on community service, celebrating differences, honoring what sometimes appeared to be a distant civil rights history, topics that to differing degrees acknowledged issues of race and inequality.

Those issues have come closer to the forefront this Martin Luther King Jr. Day. And there’s no more appropriate time to discuss them.

In order to have a conversation, however, some, more than others, may need a reminder on the ground rules of civil discourse.

In December, Dr. Janice Greene, president of the Snohomish County Chapter of the NAACP, wrote a guest commentary for The Herald, commenting on the grand jury’s decision in Ferguson, Missouri, and the crisis that followed. Her hope was to begin conversations that are necessary not just in Missouri and New York but also are needed here in Snohomish County. Greene offered the commentary with full knowledge that she was opening herself up to criticism and challenges from authors of letters to the editor who sign their names and the opinions of online commenters who typically remain anonymous.

Fair comment has a value as part of that conversation. But the value of some of the online commentary was only in proving that something is broken.

One online commenter told Greene that she should consider herself lucky that racism existed because it gave her “something to live for.”

Everyone sees these issues from his or her own perspective, influenced by individual beliefs and experiences. The conversation starts by listening to and understanding how those beliefs and experiences form the opinions of those participating in a discussion. It’s a willful act to be quiet and listen to someone and make an effort to understand their point.

That’s how conversations become solutions, how solutions become reconciliation.

This is how we honor Martin Luther King Jr. And that’s something to live for.