Slackers often excel in sick-day creativity

Generation Xers, whom I loosely define as people in their 30s, often are referred to as the “slacker generation.”

But now we know the whole truth: A lot of us are slackers. And we’re goofing off a lot more than even the boss suspects.

That’s the word from a recent survey by Salary.com and America Online, which says that while personnel officers guessed that workers wasted an hour every workday, workers admit it’s more like two hours.

It may come as no surprise that the biggest time waster is surfing the Internet.

A giant chunk of the work force – 44.7 percent – spends time on the Net looking at sites that having nothing to do with their work.

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I myself admit to a passing interest in photographs of very large fish.

Another big time waster is socializing with co-workers. And some people say they just space out for a while during the workday.

I prefer to call it planning.

More than a third of workers in the survey said they call in sick while healthy at least once a year, according to another survey by CareerBuilder.com

Again, these things can be viewed from a different perspective. To me, “calling in healthy” is a preventative health care issue.

As I always told my mom, I never wanted to waste a day of skipping school by actually being sick. Where’s the fun in that?

Here’s a look at some of the more unusual excuses for sick day requests, although as a certified middle manager I can’t recommend that you use them:

* “I was arrested as a result of mistaken identity.”

* “I tripped over my dog and was knocked unconscious.”

* “My bus broke down and was held up by robbers.”

* “I couldn’t find my shoes.”

* “I totaled my wife’s Jeep in a collision with a cow.”

* “My cat unplugged my alarm clock.”

* “I had to be there for my husband’s grand jury trial.”

All of this talk about calling in sick reminds me of a former employee under my supervision who liked to leave his “I’m too sick to work today” messages on my voice mail before I showed up, rather than speaking to me personally.

That might have been related to the fact that I usually told him to drag himself in or, when he did come back, to bring in a note from his doctor.

It didn’t matter what the illness was, the message was always delivered in a very soft voice. “I can’t come in today,” he’d say in a whisper.

Then you’d find out the next day that he’d claimed to have sprained an ankle, not hurt his voice.

As I said, I’ve always preferred the direct approach. But there is such a thing as being too creative.

Last year, Accountemps surveyed executives for their most unusual time-off requests.

Here’s a sampling.

* “I need a day off because it’s supposed to snow.”

* “The pool is broken.”

* “My garage door is broken.”

* “I need three weeks off to travel Europe. Starting tomorrow.”

* “I’m going to be in a kick-boxing contest.”

* “Our church is having a bus trip.”