Some equate it to breaking off a relationship, one that you’d hoped would last a long time.
You know it’s going to be uncomfortable, but it’s something that you have to do.
It’s the same when you’ve been offered a job that just isn’t right for you. You have to turn it down before the situation goes too far. The best way to do that, experts say, is to do it gently, being careful not to damage any egos in the process.
“You never want it to make it personal,” said Steven Rothberg, president of CollegeRecruiter.com, Minneapolis. That’s why, he said, it’s important to have a breakup speech that avoids using the word “you” at all costs.
Instead of saying “the job offer you made me,” say “the job offer the organization made me,” Rothberg advised. That approach helps minimize the chance that you will anger a professional within your industry, one whom you may bump into in the future. If they truly are professionals, he said, they will know that the offer you turned down is not based on personal feelings but on the limitations set forth by the organization.
Often the way an individual carries out this uncomfortable task speaks a lot about his or her character, experts say. Doing it with grace and sensitivity may make you more of a friend than foe, they add.
“You can always turn a bad situation around and see it as an opportunity to market yourself professionally,” agreed Michael Stern, a recruiter based in Ontario, Canada.
Stern said that conscientious candidates can soften the blow by providing names of other high-quality candidates.
Rothberg adds that it also is important to express your gratitude for the offer while explaining that, at this point in your life or career, it may not be the best fit. If possible, don’t bring up the name of other suitors who may have made a better offer. And never say anything negative about the organization or the employees you’re turning down.
When turning down a job offer it’s best to speak to someone instead of writing a letter, Rothberg says. Send an e-mail only as a last resort. Make sure the letter is as professional as the first cover letter you sent – the one that caught their attention.
The situation gets trickier when you are reneging on your initial decision to accept an offer. When you do that, experts say, you’re essentially breaking a promise to take the job even if you have not yet signed on the dotted line.
“Once you accept an offer and decide to resign before you start, you put yourself in a bad situation – at best,” Rothberg says.
If you wait too long to tell someone you’ve changed your mind, you’re more likely to seriously annoy several managers who have been counting on your presence and contributions. More people at the company also are aware of you after you’ve accepted the offer than they might have been when it was simply offered to you. Because of that, you expose yourself to greater criticism when you change your mind.
Case in point: University of Florida basketball coach Billy Donovan had a change of heart earlier this year when he decided to walk away from the NBA’s Orlando Magic and return to the Gators. After formally accepting the job and appearing at a nationally televised press conference, at which he told people he was excited about coaching the Magic, he woke up one morning and realized he’d made a mistake by accepting the deal.
His decision to return to the university was news for weeks afterward, and some argue that it may have damaged his reputation.
Similar situations can arise even to those not negotiating million-dollar salaries. Stern suggests avoiding them by being true to yourself at the start of the interview process.
Folks go to job interviews every day without feeling certain that they even want the job, he says. An interview allows both parties to see if they’re compatible, so if something about the job or the company doesn’t feel right, find a way to discuss what troubles you right away.
If you’re honest from the get-go, no one will be surprised by your decision to reject the job offer.
The bottom line: Remember your mother in these sticky situations, and never forget your manners.
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