I read some of the Greek histories in college, but I don’t recall anything about giant rhinoceros monsters. Nor do I have a memory of an 8-foot-tall albino warrior who is kept chained up by his own army.
These creatures of the fantastic join the bloody riot of “300,” a new movie that tells the famous story of the battle of Thermopylae. At that spot in 480 B.C., a band of 300 Spartans (and other Greeks) stood between a rock and a hard place to battle a huge Persian army.
The historical incident has undoubtedly been exaggerated for dramatic purposes over the years – probably starting in 480 B.C. – so we must give some leeway to comic-book author Frank Miller (“Sin City”), who brought his own outlandish wrinkles to the tale.
The movie follows suit. And not unlike “Sin City,” it uses some of Miller’s original panels as a basis for its visual scheme.
The story follows King Leonidas (Gerard Butler), the prototype for every rock-jawed, indomitable fightin’ man that ever went into movie battle. His brash decision to take a 300-man force to defend Sparta is known by his volunteers as a probable suicide mission.
Leonidas’ queen (an impressively focused Lena Headey), who enthusiastically raises their son in the brutal Spartan way, holds down the home fort. She delivers the stern credo of the Spartan woman, “Come home with your shield or on it,” as her husband leaves to war.
Except for occasional cutaways to Sparta, “300” is essentially one blood-spattering, bone-crunching episode after another. It leaves history to the history books, preferring a carnival of grotesque hunchbacks and drooling creatures.
Meanwhile, the leader of the Persians, Xerxes, appears to be midway through a sex-change operation. Since the rest of the film is one long display of manly muscles, Xerxes clearly can’t keep pace in the testosterone contest.
Every single Spartan is blessed with six-pack abs, which made me wonder whether some of them were generated by computer effects. Much of the movie is digital: Like “Sin City,” the actors were shot in front of a green screen in a studio, with mountains and oceans and armies digitally added later. It’s kind of cool for a while, but you quickly begin to yearn for a real blade of grass or bit of sunlight.
Director Zack Snyder, who did the fine remake of “Dawn of the Dead,” is adept at scale but not much else. Everything in the movie – the actors, the fighting, the design – exists at the same feverish pitch. The result is more numbing than exciting.
The digital action yields effects – like the frequent beheadings – that seem to exist not because they are integral to the story but because the computer can make them look really, really cool. After an hour or so of this, you might find yourself yearning for the calm logic of Oliver Stone’s “Alexander.” And yes, that’s a joke.
Battle weary: A bone-crushing adaptation of Frank Miller’s comic-book take on the battle of Thermopylae, which embroiders the famous story of the 300 Spartans who defend a narrow pass. The feverish pitch and digitally rendered world become numbing after a while. With Gerard Butler.
Rating: R rating is for violence, nudity, subject matter.
Now showing: Alderwood Mall, Everett, Galaxy Monroe, Marysville, Mountlake, Stanwood, Cinerama, Metro, Oak Tree, Pacific Place, Woodinville, Cascade Mall, Oak Harbor
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