Aging Jackie Chan deserves better than ‘The Spy Next Door’

Jackie Chan is now in his mid-50s — there’s no way to sidestep that fact when you’re talking about a new movie with the great martial-arts star. He’s still agile, he still beams like a floodlight, but the dude doesn’t get off the ground like he used to.

This deceleration might account for his embrace of family-friendly pictures such as “The Spy Next Door,” a very bland bowl of mush served up for a matinee audience. Even his character, a secret agent named Bob Ho, is facing retirement.

Bob lives undercover in a New Mexico suburb. Possibly this was chosen because it offers a contrast to Bob’s exciting espionage life — and sure enough, this planned community looks like the most boring place on earth.

Our hero has grown friendly with the divorcee (Amber Valetta) next door, but not with her three kids. They consider Bob hopelessly nerdy. Which he is.

From the first five minutes of this movie, we sense that Bob will have an opportunity to prove to the kids that he’s not just a sweater-vest-wearing numbers-cruncher. You know — because he’s a secret agent.

First, there’ll be some alleged hilarity as the divorcee is abruptly called out of town and Bob volunteers to baby-sit the kids. He’s got an especially rough time with the oldest (Madeline Carroll, from “Swing Vote”), an adolescent with a hefty chip on her shoulder.

The subplot that pulls Bob back into the spy game involves a couple of nefarious Russians, whose “Bullwinkle Show” accents result in some of the film’s only amusing moments. At least Magnus Scheving and Katherine Boecher have a good time in their roles.

This one is directed by Brian Levant, who did the “Flintstones” movies and “Jingle All the Way.” No one can say he hasn’t found his niche.

Jackie Chan’s movies used to be publicized by saying that he absolutely did all his own stunts without trickery. By the looks of things, those days are in the past. And why not? Everybody has stunt doubles, and Jackie deserves a break at this point (no pun intended — he’s fractured a lot of bones over the years).

With his unwavering cheerfulness, Jackie Chan has the appeal of a movie star, even without the big moves. Now it’s up to Hollywood to find something more fitting for him than spattering oatmeal around the kitchen during a baby-sitting gig.

“The Spy Next Door” one and a half stars

Jackie Chan plays an undercover agent pressed into service…baby-sitting the three kids of the woman (Amber Valetta) he fancies. The martial-arts scenes take a back seat to the very tired slapstick in this outing, because Chan isn’t getting off the ground the way he used to.

Rated: PG for violence

Showing: Alderwood Mall, Everett, Galaxy Monroe, Marysville, Oak Tree, Pacific Place