Alzheimer’s help for caregivers and family is close to home

As a teacher, Shirley Mallonee helped students stumped by a new word in a book they were reading — a seemingly mysterious string of letters — transforming it into a magic moment of comprehension.

In her spare time, she loved the challenge of matching 144 brightly colored Mahjong tiles, a test of strategy, similar to what’s used in a game of cards.

Shirley, a teacher in the Edmonds School District, and her husband, Jim, an accountant who owned his own business, took early retirement. For Shirley, it was when she turned 60. For Jim, when he was 58.

They combed the area for their dream home, one with a waterfront view. In 2006, they found it — one near Everett’s Howarth Park with views of Possession Sound.

They planned to fill their life with travel, taking a trip to Ireland that year. They found where Jim’s grandmother was born and visited the stone home where she once lived. Shirley’s family had roots in England and Ireland, too. “It really drew us back to our roots,” he said.

They made snowbird trips to Arizona and soon formed friendships with other couples.

It was on one of those trips, in 2012, that Jim began to notice a change in his wife.

He and Shirley had gone to the state’s Game & Fish Department, joined by another couple. Jim, who loves to fish, wanted to be licensed as a fishing instructor.

His wife also filled out the form. But when they handed them back to a state employee, they were told that they had mistakenly been given the wrong form. They were asked to fill out another.

Shirley struggled to complete basic information, like her address, on the new form. “She just had a real tough time doing it,” her husband said. “The couple we were with who know us quite well noticed there was a problem.”

There were other changes, too. An avid reader and member of a book club, Shirley couldn’t remember what the book was about that the group was reading, or how to answer reader-prompted questions. “She pretty much stopped reading,” he said.

The familiar games of Mahjong stopped. She couldn’t figure out how to play.

Though he didn’t know it at the time, Shirley had gone to a neurologist in 2008 for a brain scan and some preliminary testing. When Jim accompanied her to a neurological appointment in 2013, another scan was conducted to look for changes.

On the way out, he asked the doctor for her diagnosis. The doctor told him that Shirley had mild Alzheimer’s disease. “That was the starting point,” he said.

Shirley Mallonee is one of the estimated 9,500 people in Snohomish County affected by Alzheimer’s, which ranks as the county’s fifth-leading cause of death.

Some 700 of the calls to the state Alzheimer’s Association hotline in the past fiscal year came from Snohomish County, said Carrie McBride, a spokeswoman for the association.

Help for people caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s and other dementias is available locally. The Alzheimer’s Association, which serves Washington and northern Idaho, opened new offices at 19031 33rd Ave. W., Suite 300, in Lynnwood earlier this year.

“The great demographic change in people coming to Lynnwood is seniors, so I’m delighted to have the Alzheimer’s service here,” Lynnwood Mayor Nicola Smith said.

If someone stops in at the association’s office, members of its clinical team are available during weekday business hours to answer questions and provide other help to families.

The Alzheimer’s Association offers educational workshops, social outings, support groups and two free family caregiver conferences each year.

Staff member Katya Strohl meets with people who come to the Lynnwood office for help, and with family caregivers and Alzheimer’s patients in their homes.

She watches how the family members interact with the person they’re caring for, how stressed the caregiver is, what’s changing in their lives, and the Alzheimer’s signs and symptoms they’re struggling with.

Respite care, giving caregivers a break, is available on a sliding fee. Caregivers can get therapeutic massages several times a year.

Some couples have been living with their spouse for decades, but no relationship can survive the extra demands that come with living with Alzheimer’s 24/7, she said.

“There’s no break for both,” she said. “They can’t go off and have their independent lives anymore.”

Shirley Mallonee didn’t want to hear the word Alzheimer’s, but the symptoms were there, beginning when she was 68. Sometimes it was the battle over her daily medications.

“Women can give a look to guys that you don’t want,” her husband said. She would flash him that warning signal, then put the pills aside.

A certain outfit she loved — a jacket, pants and blouse — shifted to being the outfit she insisted on wearing every day.

One day at a drive-in restaurant, she unexpectedly stomped his foot. “She had never done that in our marriage,” he said.

Another time, as she looked at her husband, she asked a caregiver: “Who is that bozo?”

“It was totally out of character,” he said. “There is a tipping point. I knew I had to have an outlet.”

He began making visits to centers that specialize in providing care to people with memory problems. He found one he thought would be best, Brookdale near Silver Lake.

About a year later, on Jan. 28, 2016, a caregiver helped pack up her things.

Brookdale staff greeted Shirley, showed her to her room, and began introducing her to other people.

Jim turned to leave. “It’s a very, very difficult decision to make,” he said. “I miss her every day.”

They met as sophomores at Seattle University and have been married 52 years.

Living alone, it’s easy to get isolated, so friendships are unusually important. There are calls with invitations to go for a walk to the beach or to meet up for coffee.

He takes his grandchildren fishing at Twin Lakes. He volunteers with the men’s club at St. John Mission in Mukilteo. He helps deliver food to the Interfaith Association of Northwest Washington’s family shelter in Everett. He participates in an Alzheimer’s caregivers group, hoping that sharing his experience can help others.

“I need to do something for somebody else,” he said, one antidote to moments of loneliness. Some days he opens the Bible to reread the poetry, images and spiritual assurances of the 23rd Psalm.

“When it hits you, there’s overwhelming sadness,” he said. “I still get it quite often. It doesn’t go away.”

Jim makes frequent trips to visit Shirley. A photo taken at Thanksgiving last year gives a glimpse of the depth of a relationship honed over the decades.

Jim is smiling, his head lovingly leaning on Shirley’s shoulder, with perhaps a bit of wistfulness in his expression. Shirley is smiling, too, her gaze directed at the camera, her face seeming to exude the joyfulness they have shared many times over the years.

Sometimes moments like this give him pause.

“There are times where you get a little glimmer and say, ‘Maybe it would be OK to have her back home,’ ” he said.

“That goes away in about 30 seconds. I couldn’t possibly care for her the way they do. They do it well.”

Sharon Salyer: 425-339-3486; salyer@heraldnet.com.

Alzheimer’s Association, Washington State Chapter

19031 33rd Ave. W., Suite 300, Lynnwood

Phone: 206-363-5500

The 24/7 Alzheimer’s helpline: 800-272-3900

Alzheimer’s resources in Snohomish County

Here are some classes, memory-loss activities and support groups meant to help caregivers and their loved ones who have Alzheimer’s or another form of dementia.

Know the 10 Signs

2 to 3 p.m. July 10, Windsor Square Retirement, 9912 48th Drive NE, Marysville. If you or someone you know is experiencing memory loss or confusion, gain an understanding of normal changes with age and areas of concern. RSVP at 800-272-3900.

Effective Communication Strategies Check

6 to 7:30 p.m. Aug. 8, Vineyard Park Mountlake Terrace, 23008 56th Ave. W., Mountlake Terrace. As people with Alzheimer’s disease and other dementias progress, and the ability to use words is lost, families need new ways to connect. Learn to decode the verbal and behavioral messages delivered by someone with dementia, and identify strategies to help you connect and communicate at each stage of the disease. RSVP to 800-272-3900.

Living with Alzheimer’s: For Caregivers — Middle Stages (3-part series)

Part 1: July 26, Part 2: Aug. 23; Part 3: Sept. 20, all from 6 to 7:30 p.m., Vineyard Park Mountlake Terrace, 23008 56th Ave. W., Mountlake Terrace. In the middle stage of Alzheimer’s disease, care partners become hands-on caregivers. Hear caregivers and professionals discuss helpful strategies to provide safe, effective and comfortable care. RSVP 800-272-3900.

Alzheimer’s Cafés

People living with early-stage Alzheimer’s or other dementia and their loved ones socialize in a relaxed cafe setting. Families meet and socialize in an environment that is accepting. No registration required.

Edmonds: 2 to 4 p.m., fourth Monday of the month, Edmonds Pagliacci Pizza, 10200 Edmonds Way, Edmonds.

Marysville:2 to 4 p.m., second Monday of the month, IHOP, 16518 Twin Lakes Ave, Marysville.

Early Stage Art Walk at Cascadia Art Museum

The Art Walk meets the third Tuesday of each month at the Cascadia Art Museum in Edmonds. The program includes educational and interactive discussions of three to four pieces of artwork, led by docents from the museum. Individuals living with early memory loss can attend independently or with a care partner. Registration required. Call 206-529-3868.

Dementia-Friendly Dance Class

Every Thursday from 5:30 to 6:15 p.m. Arthur Murray Dance School, 5307 Evergreen Way, Everett. Dance classes for those living with memory loss and their care partners. Learn a variety of dance styles. Registration is required. Call 425-348-3610.

Snohomish County Caregiver Support Groups

Arlington/Marysville: Fourth Saturday, 10:30 a.m. to noon, Smokey Point Community Church, 17721 Smokey Point Blvd., Arlington. Call Lou Ann Carter at 360- 722-1471.

Bothell: Third Tuesday, 1 to 2:30 p.m., First Lutheran Church of Bothell,10207 NE 183rd St. Bothell. Call Debbie Williams at 206-965-5404.

Edmonds: Third Monday, 7 to 9 p.m., Maplewood Presbyterian Church Social Hall, 19523 84th Ave. W., Edmonds. Call Barbara Bridges at 425- 335-3414.

Edmonds: Third Tuesday, 1-2:30 p.m. Edmonds United Methodist Church, 828 Caspers St. Room 302. Enter on west side of building. Barbara Bridges. 425-335-3414.

Everett: Fourth Tuesday, 3 to 5 p.m., Everett Clinic, Monte Cristo Conference Room, 3830 Hoyt Ave., Everett.

Everett: First Thursday, 12:30 to 2:30 p.m., Hope Church at Silver Lake, 113929 23rd Drive SE, Everett. Call Linda Whiteside at 206-529-3875 or 800-848-7097.

Lynnwood:First Wednesday, 10 to 11:30 a.m., Trinity Lutheran Church, 6215 196th St. SW, Room 202, Lynnwood. Call Alice Allen at 206-529-3876.

Snohomish: Second Thursday, 7 to 8:30 p.m., Snohomish Senior Center, 506 Fourth St., Snohomish. Call Sheri Pemberton at 425-252-6873.

Snohomish County Specialty Groups

Call before attending.

Edmonds: Third Tuesday, 1 to 2:30 p.m. Early stage memory loss. 206-529-3868

Everett: Second Tuesday, 1 to 2:30 p.m. Early stage memory loss. 206-529-3868

Everett: Spanish-speaking caregivers. Call Linda Whiteside at 206-529-3875 or 800-848-7097.

Everett: Younger-onset caregivers. For those caring for people 65 years or younger with early onset Alzheimer’s. Call Linda Whiteside at 206-529-3875 or 800-848-7097.