Becoming the ‘no’ man

Published 10:20 am Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Saying no is a funny thing.

For years I’ve said no to family, friends and other things outside myself. But when it came to food, coffee and alcohol, I was a pushover. That last donut? Yep. One more cup of coffee? Sure, why not? Make it a footlong? Of course.

In the past week, though, my first on an elimination diet, “no” has become my weapon of choice. It hasn’t been as hard as I first thought it would.

No to coffee in the morning and no to beer at night after work; no to midday burger runs and no to snacking on cheese and crackers.

Conversely I’ve said yes to many strange things: Quinoa, teff, amaranth and something called … vegetables. Although, I have not broken down and said yes to mung beans yet.

That’s not to say it hasn’t been a bit of a roller coaster so far, especially the first two days. Here’s a look at some highlights — and lowlights — from my first seven days of the diet:

• Popeye smoothies are for the birds. For the first two days that’s all I’m supposed to put in my body, and I’m weak, sore and, rare for me, pessimistic. I feel like a black cloud is hanging over me and I can’t concentrate. Work is difficult and becomes even harder when a co-worker throws down some Girl Scout cookies in front of me. Thanks, Mike!
• I get encouraging e-mails and advice from co-workers on vegan cookbooks and great places to buy quinoa. I actually “cheat” later that night when I eat some granola made of spelt. Never thought I’d write that.
• The veggie smoothies are getting a little better. Apparently my wife was using kale instead of spinach. Big difference. Opening the door to the fridge it looks like a greenhouse. That night we actually make food for dinner because my wife and I are so run down. I’ve never been so happy to eat rice and vegetables.
• I spend most of the day working at the state basketball tournament and, thanks to my wife, I take my food with me. Trail mix made up of pumpkin seeds, dried cherries and coconut flakes, an apple and salad. It’s no Tacoma Dome hot dog, but …
• After complaining about being sore, my wife says that it’s from all the toxins leaving my body. She says something about the toxins in the animal meats I used to eat and how they’re transferred to my tissue after digestion. I tell her the joke’s on her: Taco Bell meat is made from only 30 percent beef.
• On Day 4, I wake up energized. We try quinoa and teff for the first time and both are surprisingly not bad. I feel like I’m turning the corner. Over the next few days my energy level remains constant, not the up-and-down caffeine-induced rocket ride I’m usually on. I’m not perfect: I cheat by eating a few of the aforementioned Girl Scout cookies and I have a few sips of coffee. But, overall, it’s been a good start.</li