Dear Grandparenting: Mine is a tale of two grandparents, or a tale of two bank accounts. One grandparent is poor — me! The other has an unlimited amount of money to spend on her grandchildren and sometimes she must exceed her unlimited budget because she goes for broke. Last year when I came by to drop off the presents I bought my grandchildren, her gifts were already neatly stacked around the Christmas tree. Each grandchild had a separate pile. When I say stacked, I mean stacked high. Everything was gift wrapped with ribbon and bows. It looked like something out of a gift catalogue. Mine looked like something else.
That’s my problem. How do I compete with her? She is probably a very nice lady. We share the same grandchildren but do not have much else in common. I met her a few times at my daughter’s house. She lives in New York. Since she so seldom sees her grandchildren she tries to buy them. That’s what I really think in my heart. I see my grandchildren all the time and give them what I can. I give them my love and my time but come up short with Christmas goodies. Any advice about presents would be very welcome.
— Sad Santa, Marshall, Michigan
Dear Santa: Some grandparents evidently need reminding that the best presents often have nothing to do with money. Spoiling grandchildren is a time-tested grandparental prerogative — which we gather your New York counterpart has down pat — but the most meaningful gifts hit a sweet spot that money cannot touch, much less buy.
It’s often said that grandchildren worship the material world. But once true material need is satisfied, ensuing expensive gifts begin to lose their impact. What endures is the human touch, the personal connection — the gifts of love and time that you provide.
In a relationship based on material gifting, a decrease in the value of the gift signals a decline in the relationship. Your counterpart is trapped in a situation where she has to ante up more each Christmas, with little or no return. Seems to us it is much more likely that she’s the one who is competing with you.
Grand remark of the week
Esther Lowenstein, of Baltimore, Maryland, says “the expression ‘the handwriting is on the wall’ reminds me of the time my grandkids brought over their crayons when they came to visit.”
Dee and Tom, married more than 50 years, have eight grandchildren. Together with Key, they welcome questions, suggestions and Grand Remarks of the Week. Send to P.O. Box 27454, Towson, MD, 21285. Call 410-963-4426.
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